So This Is Christmas...

I'm sitting here in the Vitamin D inducing glow of an anti SADS light that my dad recieved as a gift from his fiancee. I have got to get one of these for myself. In other news the gift haul this year has been quite excellent. My personal favs so far are the Stratocaster belt buckle from Martha and a book by Jose Saramago from my sister. (if anybody cares this guy is the greatest novelist on the planet). So we're sitting around doing crosswords and drinking Irish Cream and coffee. Pretty normal. The turkey prep is going strong in the kitchen. Martha is going to come pay me a visit at some point which is awesome. I need to go to my house and pick up her present because I thought she was going to be up-island today. Hurray!! So all in all I'm really jonesing to play some guitar so I will leave you with this thought.

In our lives there come times when we get to choose to take a leap or to resist change. I'm doing my best to balance the two. There will come a time (very soon I imagine) in which the choice is no longer left to me and I'm going to have to take that leap. What I want to say is how thankful I am for the teachers, friends and family I have around me who have made that eventuality much less frightening, and even exciting. You are the support that allows me to be greater than the sum of my parts. So thank you, Merry Christmas, and know that if you are my friend co-worker or other associate of mine I'm thinking of you today and wishing you all the happiness in the world. You people rock my world everyday.

Something's Missing

Pretty much how I feel right now. I think it's the SADS messing me up again. if I'm not particularily chipper, yeah I don't know why.

"I'd Like That"

pretty much the best description of relationships I've found....ever. Screw You Dr.

Your Ticket Should Say "Urinetown"

So Urinetown at the Belfry was INCREDIBLE!! It was sooo freaking good. The guy who played Bobby had an amazing voice and did a great job. Ross was hilarious too. I had a great time hangin' with Lisa and Ky and Meghan as well. We got a backstage tour of the Theatre from Ross which was very cool. Tech day for Christmas Carol tomorrow, should be fun.

Going Beta

So due to the failing blog's transition to Blogger Beta I have been dragged here as well. Woohoo.

Names...of Doom

Names1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & color of underwear)
Rambo Black
YEAH!!
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Vanilla Oatmeal Raisin.... Yo
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)J-Dav
Poor, Just poor
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(fav color and fav animal)
Green Husky
"Oh he's so Husky" *swoons*
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Paul Vancouver
I'm Kylan's Brother..and we both sleep with the same women but neither of us know...duh duh duh
6. YOUR STAR TREK NAME: (1st 3 letters of last name, first 2 letters of first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Davjogor
HAAT
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Blue Egg Nog
Oh sexy.
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Edward Graham Walter
9.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle names)
Frederick Joan
10. JEDI NAME (middle name backwards, mom's maiden name backwards)
Luap Erog

Better Mood...Anybody know of anybody who's selling a Jeep?

So yeah, things are going okay. Jill's over hangin' out. I miss Martha alot. I wish I had a car I could take up there. Well I could take mine but I'd rather not. Umm so everyone is doing the "I like..." thing that Trish showed me a couple years ago but I don't think I'm quite up for that right now. Bought a couple of CDs today and a couple yesterday. Picked up...
1. Head Automatica - Popaganda
2. Incubus - Light Grenades
3. Joel Plaskett - LaDeDa
4. Damien Rice - 9

Wrote out my tech resume. It felt good to actually have practical experience and education and to be creating a resume to apply for jobs I actually want rather than the ones I've needed to "get by". I have been feeling very tired lately and I think it has to do with freedom. My car was the one thing that allowed me to be free. It feels like I have taken a giant step backward in my life. I miss Martha so much and I have lost the thing that allowed me to see her on a semi-regular basis. I have lost my control on my schedule and my life. I need it back. I need the freedom back.

I've decided to buy my own PA system this summer and start hiring myself out as a freelance sound guy. I need to have some control. I created a picture today that contains my dreams and wants for the future. I hung it by my bedside so that I can see it every night when I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up. I need to be reminded of where I'm going not just where I am. I love my life right now but i am not satisfied with it. I need to achieve something and I am getting the urges to just go for it.

I'm sorry mama but I'm shining only once
Gotta burn off the drama before I do too much
Cuz I'm only flaring silent trying to follow my fleeting flame
tomorrow could be violent I might never be the same

~No Apologies (I'm Sorry) - Proverbial Ride

In The Worst Mood Ever

Okay so this is going to be a rant seeing as I am sitting at my computer at 1:30 AM with a bloody bandage on my hand. So I get home from kareoke and I go around back to see if can clear some snow off my car so it won't get too wet inside tomorrow. I find that the plastic has ripped and there's a giant pile of snow in my back seat and that the interior lights are on because apparently my passenger side door wont properly close due to the crash. Then I look and I find that my trunk is open...actually open. hmmm. so i start clearing snow off my roof where it has bubbled up over the sun roof and I impale my palm on my broken off antenna putting a huge gash in my hand which is now swathed in a giant bandage to try and stop the profuse bleeding. I think I am going to cry. Why is this shit happening to me right now? Goddamnit. I need you here.

AMMENDMENT: Apparently the plastic did not rip. My roomates havwe informed me someone took a knife and decided to break into my car and snoop for stuff again...so that's why the trunk was open and my interior light was on.

Word On The Street

So ICBC has launched an uninsured driver claim against Mr. Mycock and he has 22 days to either accept, dispute, or do nothing. Now if he accepts or does nothing I get my claim. If he disputes then it's up to me to sue him. Please let him accept!! I don't want to turn this into a court battle. Luckily I could probably get my uncle or Biff's dad to represent me so it wouldn't be hard to get representation.

Ummm in other news, I have never been so happy in my life. I don't know how I lucked into this but I did. Everyday I wake up with a big stupid grin on my face. Feel free to groan single people.

Another gig at the Theatre got cancelled today...great. :(


Oh and i think I might buy one of these...

They Finally Did It Man....They Finally Killed My Car

So I'm not gonna post about the party cuz if you were there you already know and if you weren't you missed out big time. Umm yeah so in case anybody doesn't know I got into an accident this morning which was completely not my fault. I'm just really glad that everyone is alright and no one was hurt. I'm gonna miss my car when it's gone but I can only treat this as another thing that was meant to happen for a reason. The only consolation I can take is that I did enough to stop the back-hoe bucket from coming through the windshield. It pretty much would have killed me and Alleah or hurt us very severely. That scares me so much. We are all so lucky to be alive and healthy and that's what I'm going to focus on. I hope they take that guy for a ride man cuz he deserves to pay for what he did. I know it was a mistake but the fact that he just didn't seem to care at all if anyone was hurt just baffles me. Why didn't he apologize to me? He was completely at fault...why did he not say he was sorry? What kind of person doesn't apologize for putting the lives of my friends in jeopardy? Thank you big time to Kylan's parents for helping me out and getting me back into drivable conditon. Happy Brithday Ky!! 21 is looking fine.

The Car Saga Continues

So I took my car in for its transmission check today and it turns out the tranny is not the problem. It turns out my 2nd fuel injector is leaking fuel over the back of the engine and it's a miracle I haven't burst into flames at any given time on the highway. Transmission dude John tells me that he recommends I get my car towed to a shop and fixed immediately. I tell him that I have a body shop appointment tomorrow to get my wheel well worked on and he says if I drive really slow and don't let the engine heat up I should be safe to get it home. I don't drive it home....I drive it to Millenium Auto where I find out that all the seals on my Fuel Injector Rail are totally rotten and they just fall apart as soon as he touches them. Now I am screwed. Or so I think. Turns out he miraculously finds four seals that will fit my injectors puts them on and TA DA!! Problem solved...for now. If they leak again I have to take them to a Honda tech and get the official Honda Seals put on. So now my car runs a hell of a lot better due to me not missing a fuel injector anymore. But tomorrow I go in to get the body looked at and my wheel well fixed but if what the Transmission people say is true I may be in for more than that. The mechanic at Millenium told me that tons of people didn't get their Accords undercoated properly when they bought them new and they tend to rust in the main frame...which if it's happening in my car may mean I am uber-screwed none-the-less. Praying for my car to survive...and not cost me a fortune.

So Yeah...

Life is good...when life is good don't write on here cuz well there's no real news. Life marches on as it ever does and I go with the flow along with it. Hmmm news...worked on the tech-in and strike of Lisa marie Presley's gig at the Port Theatre. I never would have figured she'd be Alleah height. Ummm yeah worked the worst gig ever on the weekend I was really tired and none of my mics decided to work for me with 15 minutes to go before the show. So I called in Ace, Mike and Leon before we finally found and fixed the issue. Mike looked at the set-up and realized we should have had two techs on it instead of just one. I really wish someone else had been there to stop me from going absolutely insane.
Oh and speaking of insane my Car is going to cost me $450 in maintenance and repairs over the next two days...wooo hoooo.
Oh and this comes immediately following my resignation of my job at Thrifty's....oh boy. So I won't be quite as social as I have been for the next while due to funds and all. But in general life is a blessing and I'm enjoying every day of it.

Can't nothin' hold me down...uh uh.

Oh and Ky....you're my hero...love you buddy.

That's All One Now Our Play Is Done

Wow it's finally over. I can't say I've ever enjoyed a character quite as much as I did playing Feste. Feste made me feel like a rock star every single night; he gave me an ability to connect with the audience in a way that I've never been able to do before. I have never had so many people come up to me and tell me that I was their favourite part in the show before. It also made me more confident about persuing my Music career. To all my fellow cast members and our excellent crew all have to say is "Wow". What a seamless show from beginning to end, the professionalism was by far the best I have seen behind the scenes at a Malaspina show so far and we have set a precedent for shows to come. We have been gifted with an amazing group of actors, designers, and technicians in our program for these two years and I believe we are working our way towards leaving a lasting legacy for years to come. So from here out this year I am taking off my acting hat and putting on my techie one. Thanks everyone for sharing in the magic that was Twelfth Night. I love you all.

Top 5...

things I like about Martha in non sequential order...


1. Cool to just hang out and do nothing with. We have a very similar outlook on life so there is no real pressure to entertain or even talk. Things are just comfortable right from the get go.
2. Kick ass taste in Music.
3. Smells like Lush stuff all the time...*drools*
4. Best Kisser Ever
5. Her smile. (I know it's cliche.) But come on...

Since You All Want It.

That's right I am actually going to write an entry again. When blogger lost my entire entry anout the John Mayer show I became disheartened to say the least so speed update...

- Broke things off with Amanda (messily) :(
- Started thing up with Jill
- Went to see John Mayer & Sheryl Crow with Jill
- Broke things off with Jill (better this time)
- iPod, DigiCam, & 150 CDs stolen from my Car....argh
- Cast as "Feste" in Twelfth Night
- Writing music for said play :)
- 21st Birthday
- Started things up with Martha :)

That's right people throw in a couple crazy parties a little bit of scandal, a whol;e lot of theatre program awesomeness, several 5 AM weekend shifts at work and some awesome friends and that's it.

Love yah.

The Day The Music Died

AC/DC “Live”
B.B. KING “Take It Home”
BEN FOLDS “Ben Folds”
BEN FOLDS “Songs For Silverman”
BEN FOLDS FIVE “Rockin' The Suburbs”
BEN FOLDS FIVE “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner”
BEN FOLDS FIVE “Whatever And Ever Amen”
BEN HARPER “Fight For Your Mind”
BEN HARPER “Welcome To The Cruel World”
BLUES BROTHERS 2000 “Original Movie Soundtrack”
BON JOVI “Slippery When Wet”
BRIGHT EYES “Digital Ash In A Digital Urn”
BRIGHT EYES “Lifted”
BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE “You Forgot It In People”
BUDDY GUY “Blues Singer”
BUDDY GUY “Slippin' In”
BUSH X “Sixteen Stone”
CAKE – “Comfort Eagle”
CAKE “Fashion Nugget”
CAKE “Motorcade of Generosity”
CAKE “Prolonging The Magic”
CAUTERIZE - “So Far From Real”
CLASH, THE “London Calling”
COLDPLAY “X&Y”
CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL “Cosmo's Factory”
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL “A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar”
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL “MTV Unplugged v2.0”
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL “The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most”
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND “Crash”
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND “Everyday”
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND “Stand Up”
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND “Under The Table And Dreaming”
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE “Transatlanticism”
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE “You Can Play These Songs With Chords”
DEREK AND THE DOMINOES “Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs”
DUKE ROBILLARD “Explorer”
ELLIOT SMITH “XO”
ERIC CLAPTON “From The Cradle”
ERIC CLAPTON “Unplugged”
EVERLAST “Eat At Whitey's”
FOO FIGHTERS “The Colour And The Shape”
GET UP KIDS, THE “Eudora”
GET UP KIDS, THE “Guilt Show”
GET UP KIDS, THE “Something To Write Home About”
GRATEFUL DEAD “Skeletons From The Closet”
GREEN DAY “American Idiot”
GREEN DAY “Dookie”
GREEN DAY “Insomniac”
GREEN DAY “Nimrod”
GREEN DAY “Warning”
INCUBUS “A Crow Left Of The Murder”
INCUBUS “Fungus Amongus”
INCUBUS “Make Yourself”
INCUBUS “Morning View”
INCUBUS “S.C.I.E.N.C.E”
JACK JOHNSON “Brushfire Fairytales”
JAY-Z “The Black Album”
JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE, THE “Axis: Bold As Love”
JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE, THE “Electric Ladyland”
JIMMY EAT WORLD “Bleed American”
JIMMY EAT WORLD “Clarity”
JOE WALSH “The Smoker You Drink. The Player You Get”
JOEL PLASKETT EMERGENCY “Truthfully, Truthfully”
JOHN MAYER “AS/IS”
JOHN MAYER “Heavier Things”
JOHN MAYER “Room For Squares”
JOHNNY LANG “Long Time Coming”
JULIANA THEORY, THE “Understand This Is A Dream”
K-OS “Joyful Rebellion”
KEANE “Under The Iron Sea”
KID ROCK “Devil Without A Cause”
KILTLIFTERS, THE “Pass The Popcorn”
KINGS OF LEON “Aha Shake Heartbreak”
LINKIN PARK “Hybrid Theory”
LINKIN PARK “Meteora”
MARILYN MANSON “Antichrist Superstar”
MAROON 5 “Songs About Jane”
MARS VOLTA, THE “Frances The Mute”
MEATLOAF “Bat Out Of Hell”
MOBILE “Tomorrow Starts Today”
MUDDY WATERS “Folk Singer”
MUSE “Absolution”
NINE INCH NAILS “The Downward Spiral”
ODDS “Bedbugs”
ODDS “Nest”
OUTKAST “Stankonia
PANIC! AT THE DISCO “A Fever You Can't Sweat Out”
PEARL JAM “Pearl Jam”
PEDRO THE LION “Control”
PEDRO THE LION “Winners Never Quit”
PHISH “Farmhouse”
PHISH “Round Room”
PINK FLOYD “The Wall”
POLICE, THE “Every Breath You Take”
POSTAL SERVICE, THE “Give Up”
RADIOHEAD “OK Computer”
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE “Rage Against The Machine”
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS “
ROBERT CRAY “Take Your Shoes Off”
ROBERT CRAY “Time Will Tell”
RYAN ADAMS “Demolition”
RYAN ADAMS “Gold”
RYAN ADAMS “Love Is Hell”
RYAN ADAMS & THE CARDINALS “Cold Roses”
RYAN ADAMS & THE CARDINALS “Jacksonville City Nights”
SAVES THE DAY “In Reverie”
SNOW PATROL “Eyes Open”
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN “Couldn't Stand The Weather”
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN “In Step”
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN “Soul To Soul”
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN “The Sky Is Cryin'”
STRAYLIGHT RUN “Straylight Run”
SUBLIME “Robbin' The Hood”
SUBLIME “40 oz. To Freedom”
TOOL “10,000 Days”
TREBLE CHARGER “Detox”
TREWS, THE “House Of Ill Fame”
WALLFLOWERS, THE “Bringing Down The Horse”
WALLFLOWERS, THE “Red Letter Days”
WEEZER “Maladroit”
WEEZER “pinkerton”
WEEZER “The Blue Album”
WEEZER “The Green Album”
WHISKYTOWN “Pneumonia”
WHO “Who's Next”

All Gone In One Fell Swoop *cries*

In Lieu Of Update I Give You...Comic

1984-2006

It's really hard to write about all the good stuff right now. Nate's funeral is on tuesday, and it's gonna take alot to get through it. I can't say we were ever close friends but we were team mates and I think that counts enough. It still seems weird to me that I saw him at the river mere days before his death. For those of you who don't know Nate Hughes was a Barsby Alumni, he was studying Chemical Engineering at UBC and he was tragically killed when the car he was riding in lost control on Jinglepot Rd. on September 3rd. He was running late for his ferry back to UBC and never made it to his parent's house. I can only imagine how hard this is for his family and close friends. We'll all miss you Nate Dawg.

No Matter How Cold It Gets This Winter....

I'll always have this to look forward to in the summer....

Why Should I Worry? Why Should I Care?

The countdown to school is frickin' on and I just know these last weeks are gonna drag out to no end. I didn't get my tattoo fixed today due to the fact that it hasn't completely healed yet. bummer. So September 17th is the next day we're gonna try and get this thing fixed. I submitted the design for the next one as well (sorry mom). I can at least swim for the rest of the summer so that's a bonus. I can't wait to get back in class. In other news I've started kinda seeing someone. I really like her so here's hoping this one pans out. One month tomorrow I see John Mayer!!! YAY! I'm so stoked.

Anybody know where to get a huge CD wallet in this town? went to A&B Sound and Future Shop today and couldn't find any. crazy.

Answers...

Alright I think the guessing period has all but expired on these songs...

1. California One / Youth & Beauty Brigade - The Decemberists
3. Indian Summer - Pedro The Lion
6. Blow At High Dough - The Tragically Hip
10. See You When I Get There - The Wallflowers
14. Gameover - Ozma

Bandwagon Jumper Says Guess My Lyrics

actually a bare minimum of the stuff you guys have never heard came up so you're really lucky.

Introduction:
1. Open your current playlist and put it on shuffle.
2. Write down your favorite line from each of the songs.
3. Let your friends list guess the song title and artist without looking it up anywhere.

1:

We're calling all bed wetters and ambulance chasers
Poor picker-pockets, bring 'em in
Come join the youth and beauty brigade
We're lining up the light-loafere'd
And the bored bench warmers
Castaways and cutouts, fill it up
Come join the youth and beauty brigade

2: Barracuda - Heart

You lying so low in the weeds
I bet you gonna ambush me
You'd have me down, down, down, down on my knees
Now, wouldn't you,

3:

ultra-violet rays are washing over all the boys and girls
as their moms lay tanning by the pool
oh look their dads arriving home all the children hug his neck unaware of their inheritence
all of the experts say you aught to start them young
that way they'll naturally love the taste of corporate cum

4: Steady As She Goes - The Raconteurs

Your friends have shown a kink in the single life
You've had too much to think, now you need a wife

5. Here's To The Night - Eve 6

Are you willing to be had? Are you cool with just tonight?

6.

Whoever fits her usually gets her
It was the strangest thing
How she moved so fast , moved so fast
Into that wedding ring

7. Here I Go Again - Whitesnake

Though I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

8. Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel

They say there's a heaven for those who will wait
Some say it's better but I say it ain't
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
the Sinners are much more fun...

9. Perfect World - Billy Talent

I never got the whole story, not 'til after she left me
Baby I don't need you, well baby I don't need you
Word on the street is she fucked him, while we were playing in Cleveland
Well baby I don't need you, you're fading in my rearview

10.

I’m looking up, At the moving clouds
I’ve been down so long but I still think you might come around
So I’m making plans for when you feel better
You just might want someone more familiar
You won’t find anyone else to take you back
Now sometimes you’re an angel
But you’re usually a pain in the ass

11. Collide - Howie Day

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

12. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

So turn up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away

13. Cannonball - Damien Rice

there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on
there’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can’t say "what's going on?"

14.

2P, you take my control
teach me how to rock and roll or i'll fall down and die
i bet you don't know how to find our extra life times ninety-nine
i know you tried but still we died
our game is over

15. Lithium - Nirvana

I'm so horny, but that's okay ...My will is good

Annnnnd GO!!

Pretty Much The Sexiest Thing I've Seen All Day

It's Holiday Monday. Anybody wanna hit the river with me?

To The Cowardly Anonymous Person Commenting On My Blog

Please go away. I don't need your opinions or judgements of the things I do. The decision to get a tattoo lies in my hands and no one elses. I'm sure my mother would not be pleased with my choice to get a tattoo and I didn't need to ask her opinion since that opinion is already known to me. If my Mother were to somehow sanction me for getting a tattoo it would be an extremelly shallow thing to do in the face of "unconditional love". If you are a member of my family taking a jab at me then please reveal who exactly you are so that I can know exactly who is judging me for making a choice to do something to my body. Getting a tattoo is not a shame. This tattoo is representative of my family's history and my own personal beliefs. I believe there are worse things to get tatooed to yourself than something that says "For Good, For Glory, Good Is Enough". How dare you tell me to never take my shirt off in front of her? If she truly loves me she should accept and respect the choices I have made even if she does not agree with them. I am an adult and as such have control of my own life.

EDIT: This poem just got Poem Of The Day on a site I belong to. I almost forgot I had written it it was so long ago. So here's one from the past...

Born Again Sun

by J. P. Davies

Down by the docks
fishermen throw
depleted stocks down
onto weathered cedar.

Seagulls avengingly swoop,
diving to reclaim
trinkets of their sea.
While staring sightless
into new oceans of sky
fish cry out the morning.

And all the while
a young girl skips out, back again;
Chasing a tide
that will forever identify
lost innocence and memory.

Memories will roll
ashore in orbit with years.
An eternal fog bank in which
she can swirl herself, conceal
what she has become, in swaths
of misty cherub wings.

Forever preserving a promise,
sweet singing angels for tomorrow,
she can hide and live here.

Ever upon a shore,
of life,
of pulsating breaths.
Spilling over walls of sand,
years of deposition,
she will remember these times, these days.

Born again sun,
she rides out upon
waves of eternity.

They help to carry her home.

07/22/2004

tattoos and such

I just realized that within the next few months or so over half of the second years will have at least one tattoo... I hope I didn't forget anyone.


Amber
Alleah - Inked
Geoff
Gregoire - Inked
Kylan - Inked x 3
Meghan
Lisa - Inked
Michelle - Inked
Jordan D. - Inked
James
Kaitlyn - Soon To Be Inked
Biff
Alex

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

So yesterday was very interesting all-around. I got called in for a 5 am shift by work and lazed my way through four hours and then went home and had some nappage on the couch. I got up and started feeling really antzy to do something so me and Matt went downtown to get some coffee. We visited Alex and then went over to Hill's Native Art to talk to Michelle. She showed us the design she's working on for her tattoo and I have to say it's going to be awesome. We went and got coffees and sweets from Perkins and then headed back for more chat time with Michelle. We ventured back home and I started to nap on the couch again.

Finally getting antzy to move again I called Kylan up and headed to Parksville to go play some video games with Ky, Jeremy, Mike, Trevor and Karah. It was cool. We played Mario soccer for Game Cube which I have to say is one of the most entertaining games I have played in a long time. I developed the enforcer role which was to never play the ball but just go around creaming all the other teams players and making it so they couldn't get near our player with the ball. It was good fun.

Umm after that we drove back to Nanaimo so Ky could return his tux to Moores which was closed due to it being Sunday. So we went to Boston Pizza and had dinner and then went and saw an utterly vacuous teen comedy called John Tucker Must Die. It was supremely shitty. The funniest parts were listening to the reactions of the twinks in the audience.

After the movie I sped home but drove right by cuz my mind was going about ten million miles an hour so I kept going and drove down to Departure Bay and watched the ferry come in it was really tranquil and gave me a chance to think about things. And I think I came to some good conclusions. I've realized that before recently I never let anybody past the walls I built up to protect me from getting hurt or being vulnerable. I think I'm really starting to appreciate those closest to me more now that I know they're not going to ditch me if I have some moments of weakness. It's really reassuring to be surrounded by people who I respect and admire. There's just one big hole missing. I'm not going to rush anything though. I really want to find somebody special. I finally think I understand exactly what love means and I'd like somebody amazing to share it with.

Today I slept in hardcore. And now I'm sitting at my computer feeling antzy again. I really wanna go swimming but nobody's online or anything so maybe I'll wait til Matt's home and drag him out.

Love you guys,

Jordan

Just Not Enough To Hang On

The sunset has faded before we ever had a chance to enjoy the light. What do you do when your best is not enough? It's like everything you put out was just washed away and you're left feeling so inadequate it pulls everything out all over again. If I had known it would have been for the last time, I would have kissed you a little longer just to remember it. One day I woke up and found that you had left me to stand here and pick up the pieces of myself that I put out for you. If you were confused then, you passed it so deftly on to me. I feel like I predicted this with the poem I wrote for you. You are the summer wind that so briefly brought happiness but now leaves me wondering what I could have done (if anything?) to make you choose me. But it's too late now. There's this wall in place of the effort it cost me to open myself up for something like this so soon.

this one is mine...

She Is The Wind

by J. P. Davies

Today she bends and squints her too-blue eyes
and guides boats across the harbour.
She slithers her fragile hand into mine
and dares me to wonder why.

I perch quietly, and knowingly slide my chin
slowly along her shoulder, kiss her neck.
Because today she will let me in
and tonight she'll come to bed.

When a new day comes she will dissapear
back into her world of glaring silences
to the places she has come to accept
as the purest stations of her life.

But in this tranquil night I watch her sleep,
in a sigh of fresh contentment
and wonder if she'll ever want to stay.
Will she ever need me too?

And in the morning when she leaves me
in the most beautiful of perfumes.
I'll lie back down and let a solitary tear
slide into the fabric of her pillow.

Because she is the wind,
that now blows across this ocean
and dances teasingly across my hands
before leaving me for brighter locales.

07/11/2006

Amazing for a grand total of about a week I was happier than I can remember being in a long time. But now there's just this space.

Giving Up

I know a girl
she puts the colour inside of my world
but she's just like a maze
where all of the walls all continually change

and I've done all I can
to stand on her steps with my heart in my hands

but now
I'm starting to see
maybe it's got nothing to do with me.


I finally get it.

"Hey, At Least You Didn't Get Somebody's Name"

So today I woke up and proceeded to invite Tasha out for consequetive meals depending on the time...I made it to lunch. "Breakfast" and "Brunch" are apparently non existant in some peoples vocabularies. So I went and picked her up and we headed to MGM for foodstuffs. I had my usual Eggs "Pope" but the Hash browns were just a mangled baked potato WTF? Tasha had her prerequisite French Toast and Bacon. After that we hit departure bay and Piper's lagoon for some Walk On The Ocean time. Went to Woodgrove so that Tash could sort out the $100 cancellation fee for her cell phone that she apparently shouldn't have to pay but apparently she cancelled her plan three days before her contract was up so they still made her pay the $100. shitty deal. So then I dropped her off @ home and headed home. Drove to harewood for some slurpee. Then headed home. So here I am sweltering in the heat and wondering if I would be flattered or scared if somebody got my name tattooed to them at random. I know how I feel about having the person you like get somebody else's now. Like I should just give the fuck up. Should I just give up? When you do that you don't just affect yourself you affect those around you too. I still can't believe it.

A is for age: 20
B is for Booze of choice: Jack & Coke
C is for career: Sound Technician
D is for your dog's name: Sweet!! I Have A Dog?
E is for what you use everyday: The Shower
F is for favorite song at the moment: Rooftops & Invitations - Dashboard Confessional
G is for favorite games: Mario 3
H is for hometown: New Westminster, BC
I is for instruments you play: Guitar, Saxophone, Some Drums, Voice
J is for jam or jelly you like: Tropical Triple Fruits
K is for Kids: No Babay, No babay, No babay...
L is for last kiss: Tasha
M is for most admired trait: confidence but not over-confidence
N is for the name of your crush: See L.
O is for overnight hospital stays: Once for Food Bourne Illness
P is for phobias: Being buried alive / trapped
Q is for quotes you like: "There is not one shred of evidence to support the theory that life is serious"
R is for biggest regret: 80's party. and not playing football after high school
S is for sweets of your choice: Powerbars?
T is for the time you wake up: 8:30-9
U is for underwear: Boxers
V is for vegetable you love: Tomatoes
W is for What the fuck happened to the question for W?
X is for x-rays you've had: Finger/Teeth
Y is for yummy food you make: everything I make is yummy
Z is for zodiac sign: Libra

So Far So Good

The fading of the selected letters is moving along quite nicely...

BEFORE...

NOW...

For Good, For Glory, Good Is ________

So yeah, I fucked up while checking the spelling on my tattoo. The last word has an extra "A" in it so technically the word has no meaning. So four hours after completion of my tat I find myself back in the chair getting a portion of two letters "mulched" so that the ink won't take. This hurts a hell of a lot more than the tatoo itself, exponentially so. So on August 21st I go back in to get it fixed. Lesson here kids, look very carefully and make sure all the words in your tattoo are spelled right. Otherwise you will end up with a bloody seeping wound in your body to go with your tattoo.


In other news my CD player in my car merely had a burnt out fuse so now I have tunes in the ride. sweetness. Oh and i was approved for a student loan of $10, 880.00 holy crap.

Waiting On The World To Change

So Jordan is officially mobile as of today. Went and put insurance on my car, and then picked up Tasha and headed up to Errington. Visited Ky for a bit, he was looking decidedly squirrelly and apparently was punched in both eyes by the Orthodontist. ;) Apres A-Frame, headed to Coombs where Tasha and I wandered around and ate grapes and played stickball and talked. it was nice. She was decidedly sexy today having a heart monitor strapped to her chest with lotsa wires sticking out. "Top Drawer!!" Yeah so drove back to Nanaimo while Tash slept in the passenger seat. Drpped her off at home, went to Canadian Tire and bought a rear-view mirror that actually works. Headed to my dad's place and used his heat gun and some goo-gone to scrape off the palm tree decals on my cars windows. They are no more. Installed my new mirror. I can see out the back now yay. Then headed home. All in all a pretty butt kicking day in general. I think i might go swimming. hmmm. Or maybe for a workout at mal. yeah that's more likely. Later y'all.

UPDATE: Went to the gym for a bit. My new rear-view doesn't want to stay on so I have to get more adhesive to try and make it work. Crap. Anyway, life is good. If a little confusing.

YAY!!!

Today I spent $100 and by doing so will see John Mayer in concert again. But this time from fucking FLOOR SEATS!! YEAH!!! September 22nd baby. I am so stoked.

If It Is Born In Flames Then We Should Let It Burn

I'm in a very strange place right now. All of my expectations and aspirations lately have flipped themselves around in strange ways. I should really stop setting myself up so much because when all of your plans fall through it's that much more dissapointing. I know I'm gonna be okay with this but it still sucks. Whatever, love is too complicated to try and make any sense of apparently so why the hell do I try. In other news I've started talking to Trish again which is nice. It's nice to have someone who knows you so well you don't have to explain your point of view to them they already understand. I'm pretty worried about one of my friends because they seem to be caught in the same sort of cycle of depression I was in a few years ago. I'm also concerned about another friend who is trying their best to help but is absolutely drowning in this and thats not really fair. It seems life has caught up to alot of people right now and everyone is fighting their way back to the surface. Ahhh the quarter-life crisis. Welcome to the suck.

Finish the sentence:
1. My ex is: one of the nicest people I know.
2. I am listening to: Death Cab For Cutie
3. Maybe I should: stop obsessing.
4. I love: to fall asleep so I can dream.
5. My bestfriend(s) is/are: Matt/Jay/Brennan/Ky
6. I don't understand: you.
7. I lost: my hope of this being easy.
8. People say: the dumbest things.
9. The meaning of my screen name: "She Just Might Get You Lost. And She Just Might Leave You Torn. But She Just Might Save Your Soul" Lyrics from the new Dashboard Confessional album, pretty much sums things up right now.
10. Love is: "what I got, said remember that" - Sublime
11. Somewhere, someone is: trying desperately to be strong
12. I will always try to be: the bigger man
13. Forever seems: "to be around when things begin, but never around when things end" - Ben Harper
14. I never want to: forget how you look when you sleep
15. My cell phone: has a better ringtone than Barbara's
16. When I wake up in the morning, I: wish I didn't have to get up
17. I get annoyed: when people don't respect themselves
18. Parties are: a certain way to make me feel alone in my own head
19. My Dog is: waiting for me in the future
20. Kisses are the best when: in the middle of a sentence
21. Today I might: just veg out alone
23. Tomorrow I will: work a closing shift
24. I really want: what I can't have
25. I am: alienated

Kinda Drunk...

So forgive in advance any spelling mistakes. Today I worked a closing shift and then went and got free beer at this party that Lucid records and clothing was throwing for Vice magazine...me and matt got pretty drunk all said. I'm seriously questioning the maturity of some people in my life right now. It's like they are looking through a tinted mirror that distorts everything into a shape they can accept. I'm really understanding the meaning of freindship more lately and how some people misconstrue the people they hang out with as their friends. A friend is someone understanding and accepting no matter what. A friend is somebody who will listen and care no matter what is going on otherwise. I have evaluated my "friends" and I know who will be there for me through thick and thin. Remember, a friend is someone who will always build you up. A true friend will never yell at you, or tell you that you're decisions are wrong. A true friend may ADVISE you when they think your course of action is precarious but they will never try to forcibly steer you in any direction. I think in any relationship there must be true friendship first and friendships (as well as relationships) must be free of judgement and full of support. I suggest you look hard at who you consider to be your friends and ask yourself if they truly deserve to have you as a friend. Are they fiercely loyal and would they be willing to support you no matter what you have done? If not these are not your friends; These are people paying lip service to you to fulfill some alterior motive. Your friends will accept you and everything that comes along with you including those who you chose to be close with. Do not blind yourselves with the past but take a cold hard look at the present and ask yourself "is this where I wish I could be?" if not....change your life. You have the control.

Lacks The Initiative...

to write lengthy blogs. So I'm stuck in summary mode. The biggest news in my life right now is that I have purchased a car!! I am the proud owner of an orange automatic 1988 Honda Accord. I take possesion next Friday when my next paycheck comes in. I am seriously stoked. I took it on a test drive around Nanaimo with Jared, dropped in to see Geoff, dropped by Tasha's but she wasn't home. Took it for a burn on the highway. For a car with this many clicks it absolutelly purrs :) Lucky for me the owner before the person I'm buying it off of was a mechanic, who rebuilt the engine about a year ago. I went to Trish's 18th b-day later that night and didn't drink anything, very proud of myself. Had good chats with Alleah and with Trish about the stuff that's going on in my personal life and it helped alot to hear that I'm not crazy lol. Trish just told me not to let these difficulties destroy the improvements I've made to myself since we split up. I'm not going to let that happen. The new improved actually giving a shit about other people Jordan is here to stay. I just don 't want my new found nature to mean I get taken advantage of.

Well that's all you're getting out of me today. Much love.

Listening To: Making Enemies - Snow Patrol

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So This Is The Part Where We Start Over

So due to some talking with friends, about equal amounts of whom were representing each side of the argument, I decided to forgive. I think so far this has been the right decision. I am really enjoying the time we spend together and I would really have missed out if I had severed all contact as I was almost rash to do. It's like one of my favourite sayings goes, "In every decision you make in your life you have but two choices. You can choose hate; or you can choose love. I choose love." I will not choose hate, this has been my goal for the past few months or so, and I think it's really working out for the best. Even when certain people are quick to hate me for extremelly immature reasons. I can still chose not to hate them in return. Lyric time, "I believe that my life's gonna see/ the love I give returned to me." I really wish certain of these people would try to be less petty about this whole thing. I know there are feelings involved on all sides and I repect that but to hate me for liking someone and treating them well is just crazy. I have done nothing to earn such animosity. And to not believe her when she tells you she hasn't done something (which she hasn't) is just a perfect example of a lack of trust. Just think this stuff has to be said. I'm really happy with the way things are right now, and if that should change I will adapt but right now I'm doing the best I can for her and for me.

What It Is To Burn...

ARRRRGGHHHHHH!!! How the fuck could you do that to me? Goddamnit I just don't understand why someone else had to tell me. Why couldn't you do it? Made a fool outta me again. Last chance, hero. You made your choice now stick with it. i'm nobody's bitch and you just threw away something good for what was easy. Congrats. I hope you got what you wanted out of me. Shame on me for thinking we might have something. You are obviously too scared of something actually working out for the better. I hope you enjoy your life of monotony and angst.

"So Are You Guys Dating?"...."Well I think I'm Dating Her. But I'm Not Sure If She's Dating Me"

hahaha I love my conversations with Matt. So anyway. Did sound for the indie show last night which was a rockin' good time. Happy Canada Day everbody. I sadly have to work a closing shift tonight...boourns. But I hope everyone else has a good time celebrating the amazing country in which we live.

I Am Jack's Epidermal Cells...

I get cancer I kill Jack. Yeah okay so a couple days of sun soaking, some river. Some sun-burn, a little bit of food bourne illness. A splash of shopping. Some drinking and dancing. A little bit of casual confusion. Some extremelly comfortable tandem sleeping followed by some extreme lip-biting. One day of totally crashing out around the house. Board games night at R+K's and waking up this morning still alive.

Fucking great.

Life is good.

Really Great Day

So today has been fantastic. I got up at 6. worked from 7-11. came home did the dishes, cleaned my room and did some laundry. Then Tasha and I went to bible camp. Hell yeah. We were the heathens representing. We got to watch a baptism and so swimming and do a rope swing and eat burgers and cake. And have people wonder whether or not I'm "just" Tasha's friend. It was cool. Got to meet Tasha's dad and sister as well. Apparently I was described as "Freakishly Normal" (compared to Chris I guess). All the hardcore christ lovin' was a big childhood flashback for me. If case any of you don't know, my parents were both ministers while I was growing up. Yeah so I just kinda followed Tash around and we talked and what not. All in all I had a really good time. Oh and I have no idea what my fav song of all time is apparently.

For Laughs...

This Is Me In Grade 9 Baby...

Made A Fool Outta Me

Am I wasting my time persuing things with you? Because if you don't really give a shit about me then just say so. What happened last night was so wrong in so many ways. You left me hanging in the breeze and if there's one thing I don't like it's being manipulated and made to look like a fool. If you really want to see what could happen then you should spend some time getting to know me. Because if you knew me you wouldn't have led me on a wild goose chase at the expense of my better judgement.

More Boredom Comix...

So Bored...

Click On it For Larger Version...

Mystery Man? These Things Just cannot stand the hottness of my butt...

Home?

In the grand scheme of things my heart was never in Nanaimo. I always lived with the assumption that, no matter what, Victoria would always feel like home. I was wrong. I went back to Victoria last Monday and saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in five years and went and saw my old houses and neighbourhoods. I realized that they weren't mine anymore. So here's the story frame-by-frame.

Monday June 5th 10:30 AM:

I board the greyhound south which I used to ride every second weekend when I would visit my mom throughout grades 11 and 12. I was excited to see some old friends and extremelly stoked to see the Bright Eyes show at the Royal Theatre. Driving through the outskirts of Victoria I took in the sights and locations from my childhood with vigour and excitement. I had finally come back where I belonged.

1:15 PM

Arrive in downtown Victoria; drinking in all the familiar sights and buildings. So excited for what's to come. My old best friend d'Arcy's dad picks me up and we go pick up my ticket and then run around doing some errands while d'Arcy is still at work. So we run around doing errands and whatnot and then decide to hit the Arby's in Mayfair mall where I randomly run into Leila who I apparently never told I was moving oops. That was five years ago. She basically assaults me as soon as she sees me which was nice :). We go pick up one of Dan's (d'Arcy's dad) prizes that he won on a radio call in show. I can't believe he's still as into those contests as he always was. We head out to Prospect Lake where d'Arcy's working on cleaning the moss off of a roof for his dad's company. I meet his buddies who also work for Dan's company. We head back to d'Arcy's place to wait out them finishing the house. Have a beer watch some Cold Mountain then head back to pick up d'Arcy. We all grab some booze head back to the pad and I have one beer and one barbequed burger before I gotta catch the bus downtown to the show.

7:00 PM

So I get downtown and I run into Chris Thompson and his gf standing out front of the Royal Theatre. I say hey and go look for a merch table of which there is none. Well I wait around and the opening band starts and turns out to be just one dude with a sampler making loops as he goes and building songs from them it was so cool. On one of the songs he was making a bunch of bird noises as a soundscape and he asked the audience if anyone could do a moose impression and he turned the mic to the audience and some dude yelled "MOOOOOOSSSEEEEEE!!!" and so for the rest of the song periodically there would be this big Moose call and a loop of everybody laughing afterward. Finally at the end of the song the dude sang MOOOOSSEEEEE into the mic and everybody cheered it was fucking great. So then Bright Eyes comes out and plays an amazing set. He played so many of my favs "Lover I Don't Have To Love", "Ship In A Bottle", "Take It Easy (Love Nothing)" I was so impessed with how they managed to replicate the music from Digital Ash In A Digital Urn with only a six piece band. The slide guitar player Mike Mogis was absolutely phenominal he also played lead guitar and Bass. I get out of the show head back to the bus stop and while I'm waiting for the Bus who walks by but MEGHAN!! I was like what are you doing here. Apparently she had been at the show too with her brother that's so cool. I hop off the bus a stop early and take a walk past the house I used to live in and I get this weird feeling looking at it and realizing how long it had been since I had lived there. I wander back to d'Arcy's and the whole walk feels like an odd case of deja vu. I look into a car window at my reflection and realize just how much I've changed since I moved away. This was no longer my neighbourhood. The playground of my youth had turned into a strange place. So I get to d'Arcy's and he's not there so Dan offers to drive me to Kevin's place who's another guy I went to school with. We see d'Arcy walking along the road and he says he's been at Maude Hunter's Pub and he was heading home. I tell him to get his ass back to the pub and have a beer with me. So we head in, and a beer turns out to be splitting two pitchers, I grab a Burger and fries. We walk home and crash out for the night.

8:30 AM Tuesday June 6th

In the morning d'Arcy leaves for work and I talk to Leila on MSN and she agrees to come over and pick me up so we head down to Cadboro Bay which is the beach I used to hang out at since I was like 10 years old. We walk along the ocean just talking about stuff that's happened to both of us in the past five years and where we're going in life. She's had a real rough time of it since I've been gone. Her dad committed suicide and she got involved with drug dealers and such. So we talk about stuff. I can't stop talking about Trish and how proud I am of all the stuff she's doing now. Leila asks me why were not still together if I care about her so much and I tell her the whole story and how much of an idiot I was and she tells me she's surprised I'd had two long term relationships over the five years considering I was always single in Vic and never commited to anything or anyone including her before I left. We grab some ice cream and sit down on the grass and talk some more. I think we were both so glad to see each other and so wierded out by it that things were kinda strange for a bit but it was still cool. She drives me downtown where I hit the Mountain Equipment Co-Op and buy a shirt some shades and a nalgene bottle. I head to Market Square where I hit Bead World and pick up some hemp and beads and a book on braiding hemp. I head to Sport Chek to see if my old buddy Nick is working.... he's not. I find out that my buddy Neil moved to Australia and my buddy Brian is now working construction after getting over a Cocaine habit. I eat lunch on the rooftop at The Sticky Wicket and almost buy a Wales National Team rugby jersey but it was really expensive so I declined. I grab the 4:45 greyhound home meet some charcters along the way and arrive home with some pretty great memories.

and upon getting home go on eBay and buy a Wales Rugby hat for $12.

Soundtrack To My Life

SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR LIFE

So heres how it works:
Open your choice of music player [iTunes, Limewire, Kazaa, ect.] and put it on shuffle. Press play. For every question type the song thats on. And when you go to a new question press the next button. No cheating. Ready?GO!

Opening credit: The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash

Waking up: Tomorrow - Ryan Adams

Average day: All Night Long - Joe Walsh

First Date: Same - Snow Patrol

Falling in love: Lover's Spit - Broken Social Scene

Fight scene: Out Of My Mind - John Mayer Trio

Breaking up: Bliss - Muse

Getting back together: Duet - Sigur Ros

Secret love: Brown Sugar - Ryan Adams (Rolling Stones Cover)

Life's okay: To Be Young (is to be sad, is to be high) - Ryan Adams

Mental breakdown: Stab - Built To Spill

Driving: I Can't Remember - Mogwai

Learning a lesson: July, July - The Decemberists

Deep thought: Nothing Gets Crossed Out - Bright Eyes (so perfect)

Flashback: Hard Way To Fall - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals

Partying: Ten Gallon Ascots - Tapes 'n Tapes

Happy dance: Battlestar Scralatchtica - Incubus

Regretting: Buddy Holly (Acoustic) - Weezer

Long night alone: Reasons To Lie - Whiskytown

Death scene: Old Soul Song (For The New World Order) - Bright Eyes

Some Art From Jo's Sketchbook

Quiz...

Two Names You Go By:
1. Jordan
2. Jo

Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Welsh
2. Scottish

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. JNCO shirt
2. Tom & Jerry Boxers

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. spontanaiety/adventure
2. mutual understanding

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Playing Guitar
2. Listening To Music

Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. Love
2. Food

Two pets you had/have:
1. Tuxedo, Cat
2. Shasta, Cat

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Person ?
2. Me haha

Two things you did last night:
1. Played DnD
2. Slept

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Pubs
2. Pirate Chips

Two People that live in your house:
1. Matt
2. Jay

Two things you ate today:
1. Cran-Raspberry Muffin
2. 3 meat Samosas

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Matt
2. Mike

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Work
2. watching x-men

Two things you should be doin right now:
1. having a shower
2. I dunno making dinner?

Did I Forget To Mention...

how awesome the new tool album is? Because it's so damn good. And you can spend the entire CD tripping out with the cool 3D artwork in the packaging. Very Cool. Yeah I gotta say much better than the new Pearl Jam even though that album is really good. And I finally bought Walk The Line today cuz I found the special edition again. Umm yeah got a new battery put in my watch that's been dead for like a year. That's cool. It's a nice watch i'm glad I can wear it again. I think I'm gonna go to Improv tonight. Let's see if that gets awkward at all. If it does I'll just keep not going after tonight. Why does one stupid decision have such far reaching consequences in so many areas of my life. This thing will not die. It's like cancer. Even if you rip it out there's still some left deep down rotting you from the inside.

Cannonball

This is not meant to be taken as anything but some mild introspection. I'm learning to take a step back and look at my actions from the outside and how they affect those around me. I'm doing my best. I hope you guys have started to notice at least a little difference when hanging around me. I think I finally realize what kind of people I want to surround myself with and unfortunately for some this will mean that I will be civil and friendly but not intimate. I need to be able to trust those who are closest to me so therefore I believe your friends should have earned your respect to the point where you can trust them above all. I'm tired of being a destructive influence on myself and I finally realized at Alleah's party that who I want to be is not the guy I have been. Thank you to those of you who didn't question my moments of solemnity at the party but accepted and talked with me you have taken giant steps up in my respect. If you're at a party going around and giving people a hard time because they appear to not to be having as good a time as you think you are having I think you are missing something. My entertainment and enjoyment is not your resposibility. I get more annoyed when I'm out just kinda hanging out but not being wild and crazy and people rag on me for my personality. I'm not a raging partier. I'm more of a quiet, contemplative observer whether drunk or sober and I hope people can accept that. The other night at the 70 below I was basically attacked for my drink choices and the fact that I wasn't being loopy and drunk. I got this comment "What are you like 70 years old?". Why does "enjoying our youth" have to mean getting blasted and acting like complete morons? I've been there and done that and it never gained me any sort of real emotional connection with those around me. I guess what I'm really looking for is a real love. A love that will feel so natural that I can just relax and silently bask in it while giving equally back. I'm tired of games. Games don't get anybody anywhere, just back here where I've been for way too long. I guess I didn't need another kind of green.

"It's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball."
~Damien Rice

So I'm Buying...

100+ mpg
70 km/h top speed
Insurance: $20-$40 per month
Gas: Full Tank = $3.50

and this little ditty from barbs Blog:


Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs? 1041

Sort by artist
First artist: 54-40
Last artist: Yo La Tengo

Sort by song title
First Song: (Nice Dream) - Radiohead
Last Song: Zoot Suit Riot – Cherry Poppin' Daddies

Sort by time
Shortest Song:
Two Way Tie at 1:02 = Sunshine and Clouds and Everything Proud – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah / Our Spring Is Sweet Not Fleeting – Of Montreal
Longest Song: Fear Satan – Mogwai 16:17

Sort by album
First Album: A Crow Left Of The Murder - Incubus
Last Album: You Forgot it In People – Broken Social Scene

How many songs come up when you search for "sex" - 3
How many songs come up when you search for "death"? - 14 (Come on I have a Death Cab Album on here)
How many songs come up when you search for "love"? - 80

Walkin' On Sunshine

How fuckin' nice is the weather right now? This is kick ass. I'm heading down to Barsby in a bit to check out whatever play they're putting on right now. Just sitting here listening to tunes and vegging out. No new news to share so I'll cut this short.

The Woman Of My Heart's The Apple of Your Eye

Yah, so I'm going to see Bright Eyes in Victoria on June the fifth and I'm sooo excited. Bright Eyes will kick so much ass!!

AMMENDMENT:
Turns out Dashboard Confessional is playing JULY 9th not June so I'll be able to go if I can find someone to come with me and split a room/hang with me for two days. Tasha I'm looking in your direction.... :P

Hmmm...

So I feel bad that I said I'd come to Tasha's b-day party and then realized with where she lived and my lack of a vehicle there would be no way I could make it back downtown for work this morning at 7 am. Sorry Tasha. I would have loved to have come if circumstances were different.

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Am I Living It Right?

Today....YES!! This was an awesome day. Today I planted a tree. Today I bought a printer/scanner/copier and printed out my tatoo design. On the way to buy the printer we were driving up commercial street and we were stopped at a red light. Matt was checking out some girls on the left side of the road and I said "Screw that!! Check out those two girls with the ladder on the other side...damn!!" And it turns out to be .....duh...duh...duh.... Meghan and Lisa. HAHAHA!! So anyway. I get back home, set up my printer and all, and then decide to take a walk downtown, catch some sun, and say hi to Meghan and Lisa who are working on Kidz Fest. So I head down there, say "Hi". Feel awkward, and leave. Yah. So I walk to Maffeo Sutton Park and run into my buddy Steve who works at Music Maxx, and is one hell of a guitar player and sound guy. So we head to Steve's new place which is like two blocks away from mine and pick up his acoustic, head to my place, pick up mine, leave the cases behind and jam out on our way down to the waterfront again. We chill on a picnic table for like three hours just jammin' on tunes we know and having a ball. Good Times. Head back up to his place and on the way two really good looking girls are sitting on the patio of the Timmy Ho's and they Yell across the street at us "Come serenade us!!" Now I was all up for it but Steve was being all whiny cuz he was hungry so we never crossed the street to wow them with our madd skillz yo. Anyway, get back to Steve's, play some more guitar, and discuss the demise of both of our relationships. We both slept with other girls while on a break. hmmm. We eat some rediculously spicy Tacos, have some fries, and some Appleton's and Coke. Then chill and do some tech work on his Bass players axe which is sounding all fucked up. We change the intonation and it gets slightly better, at least enough so it won't sound like ass tomorrow night at the Queens. I get kinda tired so I head home and here I am. All-in-all a pretty awesome day. Thanks for prettying it up Lisa and Meghan. Love you guys hope you had fun with the rest of your gig.

Later Y'all,

Love yah......

Jordan

It's Alright To Be A Res-Tech

I'm sooo happy. Me, Ky, and Megs all got Res Tech Positions at Mal for next year which means I'll finally have a key!! Woohoo!! My first training gig is one June 2nd. Leon offered me a gig with Anthony for Willy Wonka for 3 days but I'm working so it looks like Ky will get that. Oh well should be cool for him. I really can't wait to get back to school next year it's gonna be awesome. I miss everybody already. It's so weird spending so much of your time with people and then suddenly having all this freedom. I miss the Theatre. Oh well I'm having a kick ass time hiking, and climbing at the romper room, and just other random summer style adventures.

Later Y'all,

Jo

15 Honest Thoughts About 15 People

1. I respect you more than anyone but only recently have I been able to crack the shell of your self-defensive attitude. You are the kind of person I could see being long-term friends with.

2. Your maturity level is not what you think it is. You have a lot of growing up to do.

3. I have no respect for what you did, and you should be overwhelmingly relieved you somehow got away with it. You have an ego that doesn't match your abilities. Learn some modesty and you might just achieve something.

4. You are genuine and kind-hearted, everyone likes you, and you deserve it. I just wish you'd be more serious about plans you make with people. If you keep not showing up it could jeporadize our friendship.

5. You are too nice for your own good. Everyone needs intimacy, I think you need to let people in past the facade. I'd give anything to know what you're really like deep down.

6. You are in a hurry to get your life going and you're missing the scenery along the way. Slow down and enjoy your youth while you have it. Make some mistakes you'll be better for it.

7. You need to cheer up and realize that you have friends who love and support you. There is more to life than what you have been dwelling on. I think when you change your focus what you've been striving for will come to you.

8. Stop sending me Christian propaganda. I made my choice years ago and the “christian message” is not what I need in my life. I miss you and I hope you're well, I love you.

9. What kind of monster did you turn into, we used to be so close and then you became completely egotistical and threw it all away. We used to have such a good time, where did the fun-lover go?

10. You are so enthusiastic about your own realizations about the world and adopting concepts that others have come up with you are starting to lose your own identity. Step back from the gimmicks and take your insights as just that. Your moments of clarity need not be broadcasted to raise your own esteem.

11. You need to stop being his defender he is old enough to do that himself now. You have to recognize the weaknesses in your friends in order to better understand their strengths.

12. I wonder where you are, you obviously couldn't care less.

13. You need to stop apologizing for everything you do and get some therapy for your completely depressed self-depricating attitude, it's not that we don't like you we just get depressed whenever your around.

14. You need to get off your ass and get out of the house and stop living in regrets. Be less selfish and lower your ego you might have more friends and less aquaintances. You need to pursue your goals rather than stating them and seeing the path and never taking the first steps towards them. You are strong (and you know it) but maybe it's time to show a little weakness and humility.

15. You need to grow up...fast. Stop relying on others and stand on your own two feet.

A Little Mud On The Tires

Okay, so depressed Jordan is done with for a bit after a nice conversation over a sunny walk and ice cream with a certain someone. Some unaired stuff got said and I'd like to think a little more understanding was reached. Matt's trying to hook me up with one of his friends so we'll see how that works out. lol. I have to work my third closing shift in a row tonight which blows but meh it'll end and then it's the weekend. James' party was fun, had a few beers and a good time all in all. My favourite part was when I was talking with the boys in the dining room and I was like "Yah, so Becky's got a hot ass." and I hear "Thanks" from the living room and we all burst out laughing. As soon as my tax return comes in I'm getting my tatoo. Which is my family motto "For Good, For Glory, Good Is Enough" in Welsh Elizabethan Calligraphy on an aged scroll on my back. Fun Stuff. Later Y'all.

Low Swing

After a few days of optimistic euphoria, I've come down into what I now recognize as the precursory stages of depression. I need to get out of this. I'm living in regrets right now, I so badly wish that after so long the death of my relationship hadn't been such a horror filled tragedy fest. I'm such a fucking skeeze. Okay, I know deep down that I'm not that bad of a guy but what I did was really fucking scummy. I went to the pool last night with Matt & Jay and I couldn't help but think of the cute girl in the yellow bikini way back like 4 years ago. Holy shit, it's been 4 years since then. I missed her again today when I was walking downtown with Matt. I proved to myself that what was said about it only being about the sex wasn't true. I don't miss the sex the most; I miss my best friend. Stop fucking crying Jordan. Fuck. I quit, see everyone tomorrow at the English Exam.

So...

Apparently all your comments have gone missing since I switched from unknowingly having comment moderation on. So thanks for the comments I'll never read It now seems as if you never wrote them.

Alright Indie Music Post...

Mogwai = Teh Winz
The Decemberists = Fun Ambient Noise
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah = Le Awesome
Yo La Tengo = Interesting
Panic! At The Disco = Fall Out Boy With Indie Cred *Blech*

And I picked up an album by Castle Project a dude from Vancouver called Diaries of a Broken Heart and it's fucking awesome...

oh and yeah...Built To Spill Rock

Just A Step Past Indecision

This is not really a post more of a ramble. If you're reading this you must have run out of good blogs to read and finally decided to check mine. Well guess what? It's not gonna get any better. This is just the spot where all the mumbo jumbo in my mind comes out. Thought for today. . . How do you give a depressed person constructive criticism if depressed people naturally dwell on the negative things they perceive you think about them? Should I lie, should I just stick to the positives and not offer suggestions or criticisms? Hmmm. Today was interesting. Went to my dad's for Easter dinner. We had lamb, jambalaya, and a New Orleans salad. I ate some brocolli and remarked, "Hmmm, tastes like work." Wonderful, nicely stated boy-o. Oh well easter chocolate eggs are tre awesome. Willenium party turned out to be pretty fun. A girl was hitting on me and I totally snubbed her unintentionally. whoops. I guess it's just that I wasn't looking for anyone so I didn't really catch on. Smart Boy Jordan.

I'm A Figment Of My Own Imagination

Do you ever get the feeling nobody gives a shit about you? Like you could dissapear in the middle of something and it would take a while for people to notice your absense? I'm getting that feeling lately. I got the feeling from talking to Mike that I wasn't one of their top choices to be a Res-Tech next year and I don't know why. Everything I've done this year has been to meet that end. What more did I have to do? I'm not the friendliest of people but I'm certainly not the least. It just seems like I exist around people but I can't seem to connect on a personal level with the people I so badly want to. There are people in the program who I would kill to be close with and they seem to be the people furthest away from me emotionally. What can I do to break down these walls. Did I do something to build them? Am I that unapproachable? Does anybody miss me when I'm not around? The only person in the program to call me and invite me to anything is Geoff. All Year!! Maybe it's just me who calls people and asks them if they want to do something. Why do I have to invite myself everywhere? I'm tired of making all the efforts to be social and then feeling invisible when I get there. Is this just insecurity? Or is this just a smaller projection of my own sense of self-worth. I am looking for validation. None is happening. Maybe I project traits that are inhuman or something. I don't know. I just wish I fucking mattered to somebody. I feel so....replacable. I'm so lost right now. I don't know where I stand.

How Not To Dance

There's never a good reason to be petty and I'm trying not to do it. But sometimes when people who have absolutely no real life experience think they are "wise-beyond-their-years" really pisses me off. There's a freaking reason I'm not a perfect person, there are several. But to hold your own innocence up as perfection incarnate is just superficial bullshit. I hope maybe one day you'll see that real life is alot more confusing than you make it out to be. If you continue to discount people at their weakest moments and only consider their redemption to be some expectation you have of "how things aught to be" you are in for a surprise because that naivety is going to get you hurt in the real world. Your rights to attack my choices have been voided. You have no claims to my redemption anymore.

Dear Beer

Up until now we've had a fairly good natured relationship, but I think we might have to limit the amount of time we see each other. I just don't think I'm ready for this kind of commitment. Perhaps we should limit contact to weekend evenings from now on? If I keep hanging out with you on such a consistent basis I will lose the ability to focus on the important things I should be doing. Unfortunately you accompany so many of my favourite things it will be hard to give you up. Chicken wings will go solo, Kareoke will be much more nerve wracking, and kissing girls at parties much more difficult. So I guess what I'm saying is when I wanna hang lets hang, but when your not necessarily crucial to the situation please for the both of us fuck off.

Sincerely,

Joe Guitar

Dear Woodgrove Mall,

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Everytime I visit you I find absolutely nothing I like or would purchase, ever. Yet, somehow, you keep drawing me back with the false promise of items I may not have discovered the last time I visited you. Your stores cater to 15 year old trend followers who can't think for themselves which is ironic because that's exactly who you've hired to work at said stores. So until some foolish time in which I forget how much I can't stand you or get dragged into you by a girl or friend or combination of those two words. Goodbye forever, until next time.

Sincerely,

Joe Guitar