Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
So yesterday was very interesting all-around. I got called in for a 5 am shift by work and lazed my way through four hours and then went home and had some nappage on the couch. I got up and started feeling really antzy to do something so me and Matt went downtown to get some coffee. We visited Alex and then went over to Hill's Native Art to talk to Michelle. She showed us the design she's working on for her tattoo and I have to say it's going to be awesome. We went and got coffees and sweets from Perkins and then headed back for more chat time with Michelle. We ventured back home and I started to nap on the couch again.
Finally getting antzy to move again I called Kylan up and headed to Parksville to go play some video games with Ky, Jeremy, Mike, Trevor and Karah. It was cool. We played Mario soccer for Game Cube which I have to say is one of the most entertaining games I have played in a long time. I developed the enforcer role which was to never play the ball but just go around creaming all the other teams players and making it so they couldn't get near our player with the ball. It was good fun.
Umm after that we drove back to Nanaimo so Ky could return his tux to Moores which was closed due to it being Sunday. So we went to Boston Pizza and had dinner and then went and saw an utterly vacuous teen comedy called John Tucker Must Die. It was supremely shitty. The funniest parts were listening to the reactions of the twinks in the audience.
After the movie I sped home but drove right by cuz my mind was going about ten million miles an hour so I kept going and drove down to Departure Bay and watched the ferry come in it was really tranquil and gave me a chance to think about things. And I think I came to some good conclusions. I've realized that before recently I never let anybody past the walls I built up to protect me from getting hurt or being vulnerable. I think I'm really starting to appreciate those closest to me more now that I know they're not going to ditch me if I have some moments of weakness. It's really reassuring to be surrounded by people who I respect and admire. There's just one big hole missing. I'm not going to rush anything though. I really want to find somebody special. I finally think I understand exactly what love means and I'd like somebody amazing to share it with.
Today I slept in hardcore. And now I'm sitting at my computer feeling antzy again. I really wanna go swimming but nobody's online or anything so maybe I'll wait til Matt's home and drag him out.
Love you guys,
Jordan
4 comments:
lol...it was an awesome game! oh and her names Karah..hehehe....secrets...lol
whooops...
Sounds like fun. My Sunday was very, and I mean very, long -- my shift was 10-6:30 plus our staff meeting until 7:30. Anyhow, I did the sleepin' in thing this morning: *so* nice.
There's something about boats and ships that just gets me. I can watch them slowly drift along for hours.
Someone wise once told me about the 4 A's: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Act. They are the four steps to letting something go. First you have to be aware that there is something you need or want to let go. Then you have to acknowledge that you want to let whatever it is go. After that, you have to accept it for what it is, good or bad. Finally, you have to act -- make a change, physically or emotionally -- and actually 'let go'. I have used these ideas previously, and trust me, as a whole they work. But remember, that like anything else emotional, letting go takes time.
I absolutely know what its like to have a hole in your life. I have a rather large one myself. My father hasn't been in my life since I was 3 and I barely know him (these days, though, that is by personal choice) Also, I have no siblings. There is no one on the planet anything like me. I know there is a positive in all of it, but I have a hard time seeing it as its often masked by loneliness.
I too have a hard time letting people in, as I'm afraid if I do they won't like what they see and will, ultimately, leave.
Thankfully, though, I know what I want for myself, in a significant other, and for my future. That much is clear.
Its nice to know that I'm not the only guy with emotional scars. And I'm glad others are figuring out how to heal their scars too.
Good on ya, Jordan.
Take it easy.
aww, we love you too, Jordan!
I miss y'all...I should take a couple days off, and chill with everyone, again.
I'm counting the hours until school starts!
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