A Little Mud On The Tires

Okay, so depressed Jordan is done with for a bit after a nice conversation over a sunny walk and ice cream with a certain someone. Some unaired stuff got said and I'd like to think a little more understanding was reached. Matt's trying to hook me up with one of his friends so we'll see how that works out. lol. I have to work my third closing shift in a row tonight which blows but meh it'll end and then it's the weekend. James' party was fun, had a few beers and a good time all in all. My favourite part was when I was talking with the boys in the dining room and I was like "Yah, so Becky's got a hot ass." and I hear "Thanks" from the living room and we all burst out laughing. As soon as my tax return comes in I'm getting my tatoo. Which is my family motto "For Good, For Glory, Good Is Enough" in Welsh Elizabethan Calligraphy on an aged scroll on my back. Fun Stuff. Later Y'all.

Low Swing

After a few days of optimistic euphoria, I've come down into what I now recognize as the precursory stages of depression. I need to get out of this. I'm living in regrets right now, I so badly wish that after so long the death of my relationship hadn't been such a horror filled tragedy fest. I'm such a fucking skeeze. Okay, I know deep down that I'm not that bad of a guy but what I did was really fucking scummy. I went to the pool last night with Matt & Jay and I couldn't help but think of the cute girl in the yellow bikini way back like 4 years ago. Holy shit, it's been 4 years since then. I missed her again today when I was walking downtown with Matt. I proved to myself that what was said about it only being about the sex wasn't true. I don't miss the sex the most; I miss my best friend. Stop fucking crying Jordan. Fuck. I quit, see everyone tomorrow at the English Exam.

So...

Apparently all your comments have gone missing since I switched from unknowingly having comment moderation on. So thanks for the comments I'll never read It now seems as if you never wrote them.

Alright Indie Music Post...

Mogwai = Teh Winz
The Decemberists = Fun Ambient Noise
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah = Le Awesome
Yo La Tengo = Interesting
Panic! At The Disco = Fall Out Boy With Indie Cred *Blech*

And I picked up an album by Castle Project a dude from Vancouver called Diaries of a Broken Heart and it's fucking awesome...

oh and yeah...Built To Spill Rock

Just A Step Past Indecision

This is not really a post more of a ramble. If you're reading this you must have run out of good blogs to read and finally decided to check mine. Well guess what? It's not gonna get any better. This is just the spot where all the mumbo jumbo in my mind comes out. Thought for today. . . How do you give a depressed person constructive criticism if depressed people naturally dwell on the negative things they perceive you think about them? Should I lie, should I just stick to the positives and not offer suggestions or criticisms? Hmmm. Today was interesting. Went to my dad's for Easter dinner. We had lamb, jambalaya, and a New Orleans salad. I ate some brocolli and remarked, "Hmmm, tastes like work." Wonderful, nicely stated boy-o. Oh well easter chocolate eggs are tre awesome. Willenium party turned out to be pretty fun. A girl was hitting on me and I totally snubbed her unintentionally. whoops. I guess it's just that I wasn't looking for anyone so I didn't really catch on. Smart Boy Jordan.

I'm A Figment Of My Own Imagination

Do you ever get the feeling nobody gives a shit about you? Like you could dissapear in the middle of something and it would take a while for people to notice your absense? I'm getting that feeling lately. I got the feeling from talking to Mike that I wasn't one of their top choices to be a Res-Tech next year and I don't know why. Everything I've done this year has been to meet that end. What more did I have to do? I'm not the friendliest of people but I'm certainly not the least. It just seems like I exist around people but I can't seem to connect on a personal level with the people I so badly want to. There are people in the program who I would kill to be close with and they seem to be the people furthest away from me emotionally. What can I do to break down these walls. Did I do something to build them? Am I that unapproachable? Does anybody miss me when I'm not around? The only person in the program to call me and invite me to anything is Geoff. All Year!! Maybe it's just me who calls people and asks them if they want to do something. Why do I have to invite myself everywhere? I'm tired of making all the efforts to be social and then feeling invisible when I get there. Is this just insecurity? Or is this just a smaller projection of my own sense of self-worth. I am looking for validation. None is happening. Maybe I project traits that are inhuman or something. I don't know. I just wish I fucking mattered to somebody. I feel so....replacable. I'm so lost right now. I don't know where I stand.

How Not To Dance

There's never a good reason to be petty and I'm trying not to do it. But sometimes when people who have absolutely no real life experience think they are "wise-beyond-their-years" really pisses me off. There's a freaking reason I'm not a perfect person, there are several. But to hold your own innocence up as perfection incarnate is just superficial bullshit. I hope maybe one day you'll see that real life is alot more confusing than you make it out to be. If you continue to discount people at their weakest moments and only consider their redemption to be some expectation you have of "how things aught to be" you are in for a surprise because that naivety is going to get you hurt in the real world. Your rights to attack my choices have been voided. You have no claims to my redemption anymore.