You're An Exception To The Rule, You're A Bonafide Rarity

Just a step or two past utter and complete panic I've begun to take a look at the benefits this change will make in my life. I have decided to take the necessary steps towards adulthood with care and firm standing. This is of course related to my move in less than two weeks. My rent will, for lack of a better word, skyrocket by an astounding 300%. In preparation for this calamity of economic and budgetary proportions I have undertaken a "spend nothing" policy for the next two months until school is over. This will be very difficult for the consumer I have become, but I can only look at this as a golden opportunity to develop a more sustainable lifestyle and habits for the future. I have decided to keep my beater car despite my father's offer to cosign on a loan for me. That would put me in a better vehicle, it is true, but it would also increase my monthly budget by more than I would care to spend. Driving the beater will allow me to take the jobs that I really want to work this summer. It will allow me to stay out of my house and work for the living I want to make for myself. And it will keep me from becoming a mover again. This is going to be the most difficult portion of my life to date but I will overcome and face it with my eyes open and my beack ready to take the weight. I have made the decision to not let this become the event that ruins my life but the one that allows me to focus on my own goals for my future. I am going for it. To hell with whoever gets in my way.

They've Got Methods Of Keeping You Clean

I'm just trying to make my way. Just pushing for the things I believe. Just stepping over cracks and crevices to avoid pitfalls. But the pitfalls keep happening and the best laid plans keep falling through and I begin to wonder if there might be an easier way. Is there an easier way to live this. Am I doing things right? Am I setting myself up for the biggest pitfall of all? This cannot be derailed, I won't let it. But does it ever feel like you've had just a few too many things not go your way? Just a step over the line of how much stress you can handle? I went over that line in the past couple weeks. I am seriously stressed. I am losing my mind with stress. I need a car so i can get a summer job that I want. I need to get rid of my old car. I need to issue a writ against the guy who wrecked my car. I need to find somewhere to live until the proper living conditions that I want come along. I need money for Coachella. I need to figure out what to do for Valentines. I need to eat. I need to sleep. I need to relax..but I can't. I just can't relax.

When Nothing Turned Into Everything

I don't like that I have no appreciation for some people. I seem to have lost my ability to see the good sides of some of my friends and all their faults just overwhelm the good parts. This is the vast minority of people I know, but yeah it's there. I just wish that some people would stop treating their youth as a cop out. Excuses like "I'm only young once" don't work out because I'm afraid that some of the absolutely stupid things I see people doing are going to one day ruin their lives. If there is anything I want for my friends it's success. But I see some people around me who are living in a fantasy of competence. It's like they expect that one of these days all their dreams will come true and they don't have to work for them. You people kill me. The greatest challenge you will ever face is to be honest with yourself. Stop living in a fantasy world and take a look at reality. You are dooming yourself to a life outside your dreams if you continue with your present outlook. If you get mad at me for being honest with you then you are really just getting mad at the fact you don't know how to fix the problem. Stop getting angry at people when they try to help you. Pretty soon everyone will just stop trying.

In other news I am still trying to figure out where the hell to live. I may just end up storing my stuff and couch surfing if I can't find a place. Shitty deal.

Martha I love you. You are the best thing in my life and I am so thankful for all the happiness you have brought me. You make my world spectacular.