I'm Building This Tonight

Call it a conspiracy, a tangled web of lies, but tonight I'm building a tower up from the bottom of this well I've been drowning in. You might not recognize the truth until it's splashed across your eyes, so tonight I'm building up a resistance to your disease. You are not the answer to all my problems, you are not my dream come true, so tonight I'm building up a resistance to convince me you're a lie. I'm building this tonight, and I'm going to try to let you go. If I can just build this wall high enough that you won't see me.

Love Is...

It's not just what you say. It's how you live, how you breathe, and how your heart beats away the seconds. Love is full contact. Love is hard work. If you can let go of it and let it fly away from you...it's not love. I'm so tired of trying to be okay. I'm sick of putting on a brave face and forcing the smiles. I am broken. I feel like I just started falling and haven't stopped and the farther I go I just keep wishing I'd hit the ground so I could start the climb again. Because Love isn't something that you can turn off, it's something impossible to just ignore and if you ever find real love I hope it's really true. But be careful because some people will take insecurity and dress it up as love. And some will sell you love but then want it back. So if you put your whole heart in somebody's hands, take care. You may just never get it back. Love is perfection of emotion, and complete devastation. I am not okay. I am not alright. And I don't want to be. Because that just wouldn't be love.

St. Patricks Day

No Way November Will See Our Goodbye
When It Comes To December It's Obvious Why
No One Wants To Be Alone At Christmas Time.
And Come January We'll Be Frozen In Time
Making New Resolutions A Hundred Times
February..."Won't You Be My Valentine?"

So We'll Both Be Safe Til St. Patricks Day.

What happened last night? The sky came crashing down, and brought with it this feeling of utter and complete void. I don't understand, everything was going so well. Even days before. Even hours before. And yet now I can't touch where I once found comfort. And now I can't say what is still singing so loudly in my heart. And I sit here and wait for you to give me the okay that we can speak to each other, and once again my phone lies silently. I don't want this to end. Are you afraid? How could you just tell me something like that and leave me there to cry while you escaped off because you couldn't handle the pressure of what you were saying? Do I deserve this for all that I have laid on the line? I just don't get it. Maybe I never will. I hope this is not goodbye.

And if our "always" was all that we gave
and someday, she'd take that away
I'd be alright, if it was just for St. Patricks Day