I'm A Figment Of My Own Imagination
Do you ever get the feeling nobody gives a shit about you? Like you could dissapear in the middle of something and it would take a while for people to notice your absense? I'm getting that feeling lately. I got the feeling from talking to Mike that I wasn't one of their top choices to be a Res-Tech next year and I don't know why. Everything I've done this year has been to meet that end. What more did I have to do? I'm not the friendliest of people but I'm certainly not the least. It just seems like I exist around people but I can't seem to connect on a personal level with the people I so badly want to. There are people in the program who I would kill to be close with and they seem to be the people furthest away from me emotionally. What can I do to break down these walls. Did I do something to build them? Am I that unapproachable? Does anybody miss me when I'm not around? The only person in the program to call me and invite me to anything is Geoff. All Year!! Maybe it's just me who calls people and asks them if they want to do something. Why do I have to invite myself everywhere? I'm tired of making all the efforts to be social and then feeling invisible when I get there. Is this just insecurity? Or is this just a smaller projection of my own sense of self-worth. I am looking for validation. None is happening. Maybe I project traits that are inhuman or something. I don't know. I just wish I fucking mattered to somebody. I feel so....replacable. I'm so lost right now. I don't know where I stand.
6 comments:
yet a complete stranger sends you random comments.
you probably matter to people you don't even know.
maybe even a girl!
You know I'm here for you buddy. I'll never forget you. Speaking of which, are you coming to the WILL2K party? You should. It'll be rawk. Yeah, with an A W K.
I think you're just in a rut, buddy. Everybody gets down on themselves at one point or another, cause I don't think anybody hates you or anything. Chipper up, most of us barely do anything outside of theatre save Amber, Geoff, Kaitlyn and Amber. They do stuff. But motly, for everyone else, if they aren't going out, it's Pipers on Wednesdays. And you're usually there. See you next Wednesday.
Wow, man. I thought I was the only one. I know EXACTLY how you feel, trust me. Half the time I feel like people just tolerate me because they don't want to seem rude or mean by telling me to take a hike or something. I feel completely replaceable and I hate it with a passion. Someone I trust once told me, "be the person you would want others in your life to be." Keep that in mind, and know that you aren't alone - I'm so glad I'm not. Hang on to the feelings that make you smile (inside or otherwise) when you play your guitar or act on stage.
tis the season to feel lonely i see... we all seem to... why dont we all do somethign about it!! AND HANG OUT haha...
fun at the party last night ^_^
anywho... no worries about being replacable in the theatre program.
I dont think anyone is...
well except for Brad... coz we replaced him with Brad 2.0 and personally... i like 2.0 much better hahaha
There's always someone out here reading, Joe. All I can say is from reading your blog, asking the questions looks like a step in the correct direction. The harder part is honestly answering the right questions. The relevant ones. Anyway, hope you find what you're looking for.
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