Check Your Pulse

In the grand scheme of things I think people see me as somebody who has his - for lack of a better word - "shit" together. This could not be farther from the truth. I definitely do not feel that way right now. In fact, I'm scared. I have this big fear that I have lost my new found responsibility from last year. I actually didn't get straight As this semester and it's all because I was lazy. If there's anything I was last year it wasn't lazy. Rather I was slightly crazy but I got my stuff done and took care of myself. This last semester I think I have gotten too involved in the party and not enough in preparing myself for my career to come. All it would have taken to get my straight As would have been a stupid acting journal. How difficult is that? I guess that's my high school self coming out again. The guy who would not do an assignment that he considered pointless or an insult to his intelligence. I am a cocky guy. I won't lie. I consider nothing out of my realm of accomplishment. If I am not so good at something I will become absolutely obsessed with it until I can do it at an above average level. That is how I operate. I think I alienate or intimidate people. There are people that everyone will greet in a physical way whether with a hug or simply a handshake. I am not one of those people. I do get the contact from a few but I guess I'm not a Gregoire who everyone adores and wants to be around. I am not being self-pitying here or even saying that anything should change or that I want it to. I guess it's just that I don't want to leave my life un-analyzed and just continue on as if everything I do is right. I have lived that way before and hurt people close to me and myself. So I guess what I'm getting across is that 2007 will be a year for self improvement and working towards the things I dream about. I can't wait to get working on these one acts. i can't wait to get home. I can't wait to hold my beautiful girlfriend in my arms and tell her I love her without a phone in my hands. I want to get good grades. i want to be a supportive friend. I want to do well at my work. I want to get into better shape. I want to eat better. I want to drink less. I want to smoke less. I want to live my dreams. In short....I want to take over the fucking world....wanna help?