If You Leave Don't Look Back, I'll Be Running The Other Way

I bought a laptop. Well not really, I financed a laptop which is the modern equivalent of buying a laptop. You ever get the feeling that you're heading towards a crisis but unable to stop yourself? Like a car with no brakes. I hope everything balances out economically over the next year. I don't want to get in over my head thinking I'll be making more than I actually will. I guess I'm scared because I've never had an opportunity to be financially independant. I've always had roommates to share the bills or family members to help me out. Being totally self -reliant is an imposing step. One that I both relish and dread. This is not to say I'm unconfident with the direction I'm moving in, just that it is new and sometimes a little daunting. I can move forward through the knowledge that I feel fully prepared to be strong enough to handle whatever life throws my way and I know I have the drive required to succeed.

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Do you ever realize how much love is like a superpower? You feel bigger stronger like life is yours for the taking. I miss it. But when you begin to rely on yourself and step past needing somebody else to fulfil you, that's it's own kind of superpower. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel strong again just as me. You can't be a real friend if you can't see the friend worth having in yourself. I think I see that person in myself again. I got caught up in myself as a character this year instead of myself as a person. I think I tried so hard to be what everybody wanted from me and what everyone expected that I stopped being what I expected. I got caught playing life as a game and thinking just because I can only know what I see from my own eyes as the truth. The truth is different for everybody. Robin said it best when he told me that all we have is perception and it is how we are perceived that is going to make the difference in every portion of our lives. I took a good look at what I thought I was and how that may be perceived and when the two didn't match up it was time for some change. Time to take a step back and look at how others look at me. How to not just appear strong and confident but to actually be it. Peception in balance with reality.

If You Leave I Won't Cry, I Won't Waste A Single Day