In time

In time you will discover that you are not who you think. In this moment you will re-evaluate, re-assess, re-organize everything you believe you are. And the person walking away will bear very small resemlance to the form that gave it birth. So fogive who I was today, I'll have shifted by the morning. Into a different, and more complex prism of a person. Could you feel yourself change? Tonight? Tomorrow? Now? So in essence all you will be is evanescent and ever shifting diaphinous fog of a person. Infinite shapes at your disposal, you bend and contort your spectre until you find youself at a place of balance a place of unity. So for tonight I'll strive for balance and shift myself some weight. For tomorrow I'll wake better for the change.

I Only Feel Alright When The Fear Is Flashing, Bombs Going Off In My Head

In tracing the contours of your eyes I've given myself over to many minutes. And in the final exam of this study I'd like to be able to recall them at will in my mind. So I'll trace them, erase them, then redraw, replace, and recall. Until my sleep is haunted by your iris' blue and grey, your perfect stare.
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I miss you tonight, which is kinda sad because I saw you only yesterday. I guess after a long day all I wanted was the sheer comfort of your arms. I've never been this painfully in love... the butterflies have never gone away. I'm pleasantly surprised...yet not surprised at the same time. I knew we'd be good together. Just not this good. This is just so damn good.
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sorry to everyone else who had to read that :p

I've Always Believed in Futures

In an average house, on an average street, in and average neighbourhood of an average town. Mr. and Mrs. Past-Present live with their average sized dog named Time. Now Mr. Jimmy Past and Miss. Nancy Present met in College and fell for each other. Literally, they tripped over each other on the stairs one day. Now Nancy liked Jimmy because of his old fashion values and his utter fearlessness when it came to commitment. Jimmy, on the other hand liked Nancy because she was wild and carefree, and every once in a while she would get drunk at a party and kiss her female friends. Now Jimmy, of course, disapproved of this on a biblical and moral level, but in a small room deep deep inside Jimmy's mind he found it strangely fascinating and even exciting. Jimmy and Nancy kept on through failed classes, pub crawls, and associates degrees until finally Jimmy proposed to Nancy in a way that was at once beautifully traditional and severely mundane. Now Nancy was an impulsive girl and seeing as there was to her thinking "no time like the present", she stuffed a stammering Jimmy into the passenger seat of her cherry red MGB and drove 9 hours through the night to Vegas. It was a beautiful ceremony presided over by a former porn star turned priest in gold sequins robes.
Sooner or later Nancy and Jimmy decided it was time to create a little Future of their very own. But neither could quite imagine what the Future would look like. Nancy postulated that the Future would just have to look like her but slightly more futurific. And Jimmy didn't believe that a Future could even exist that would come close to the glories of all those that had come before. Both came to the realisation that in order to embrace this new Future they we're going to have to become students of the future. Cue the mid-life crisis. Nancy began frantically cleaning the house and redecorating both spare rooms into nurseries. One blue, and one pink, just in case. Jimmy however decided to focus all his efforts into what he considered to be the very wave of the Future. Investing. He bought stocks in Gold, he bought stocks in Coal, he bought up the world supply of Tylenol, and half the stocks of Geritol. He maxed out every credit card and took out lines of credit. he re-mortgaged the house in a failed attempt to "get-it".
And in the end when the Future came they saw it wasn't so very different. It was a Future made of equal parts, of both Past and Present. As it opened it's eyes and looked at them and they stared into the Future, they both cried as they were both reborn, in this gift they called a Future.

For The First Time

I guess I should explain my last post. It feels good when I just let a stream of conciouness take over my writing. I just wanted to write something, anything, that would not be a "here's what I did today" post. This blog is called Pre-Fader Listen for a reason. On a sound board a PFL lets you listen to something before it comes out of the main speakers. So in this blog you'll get things that happen in my head but don't come out of my mouth. This blog is the PFL on my mind. So what you get may not even be how I am feeling it may just be something I needed to write...or just the need to write anything at all. I respect writing in the way that you can put something down and people can look at it and interpret it and develop feelings about it in their own mind. The last blog was meant to do that; to say "what if" to a worst case scenario. I'm not saying I believe in all that stuff happening, but I think if the right set of circumstances happened that could be the future of the human race. If you feel strongly about never letting yourself become that, I was successful in my plan. So from here on you may find articles or theories that you may read and question whether or not I actually believe the stuff that I am writing and the answer will always be yes in some way. Because I believe that words can say things that facts cannot sometimes and I am going to try to use them to turn this bog into a creative outlet for myself. Hope you enjoy the strange thoughts that are my mind.

To Obtain A Bird's Eye, Is To Turn A Blizzard To Breeze

In time this will be known as "the good years" or "the colossal waste". We waste our time chasing frivalities while our dreams go un-lived or goals go unachieved, our world is reduced in size to the most narrow of circles. And as we flitter away our time we keep telling ourselves that "it's the journey not the destination that matters". So we'll toss our love away at the slightest hint of affection. We'll throw our bodies into substance and excess to prove we're "living life to the fullest". We are generation now. We see our parents growing old and frail and we hate them for it. We are the culture of youth, wrinkles are not wlecome here. You better live fast sweetheart because your time is almost over. We see ourselves as a generaton of artists and scholars. But we will never learn how to fend for our own food, build our own shelter, or fight everyday for survival. In one century we have become the opposite of our fore-fathers. Some think hard work is something that should not be demanded of them. Some think that they should run the joint in their first year on the job. Well wake up kids our lives of prviledge and excess are running tragically short. We are standing near the pinnacle of a babylonian tower just waiting to be struck down for our pride. We are living in the sunday afternoon of the industrial revolution. Pretty soon we won't have to carry 12 hunks of electronics around with us, they will be individually compartmentalised and inserted into our living flesh. We will automate and improve until the human body will no longer need to lift anything heavier than a spoon. We will sit in our luxury until one day we cease to remember a day when we thought for ourselves. A day when our thoughts struck outwards and our bodies followed; and in that stagnant swamp of comfort and mediocrity the human race will be replaced with fat fleshy organisms sucking on tubes. Our limbs will become vestigial; we will cease to be animals but merely brains encapsulated in flesh, basking in the glory of the automatic world we have created. And on that day...we will have failed. We will have surrendered to everything anyone ever told us we wanted. All the things that would make our lives so much "easier". We will fall. We will fail. And we will die.

Check Your Pulse

In the grand scheme of things I think people see me as somebody who has his - for lack of a better word - "shit" together. This could not be farther from the truth. I definitely do not feel that way right now. In fact, I'm scared. I have this big fear that I have lost my new found responsibility from last year. I actually didn't get straight As this semester and it's all because I was lazy. If there's anything I was last year it wasn't lazy. Rather I was slightly crazy but I got my stuff done and took care of myself. This last semester I think I have gotten too involved in the party and not enough in preparing myself for my career to come. All it would have taken to get my straight As would have been a stupid acting journal. How difficult is that? I guess that's my high school self coming out again. The guy who would not do an assignment that he considered pointless or an insult to his intelligence. I am a cocky guy. I won't lie. I consider nothing out of my realm of accomplishment. If I am not so good at something I will become absolutely obsessed with it until I can do it at an above average level. That is how I operate. I think I alienate or intimidate people. There are people that everyone will greet in a physical way whether with a hug or simply a handshake. I am not one of those people. I do get the contact from a few but I guess I'm not a Gregoire who everyone adores and wants to be around. I am not being self-pitying here or even saying that anything should change or that I want it to. I guess it's just that I don't want to leave my life un-analyzed and just continue on as if everything I do is right. I have lived that way before and hurt people close to me and myself. So I guess what I'm getting across is that 2007 will be a year for self improvement and working towards the things I dream about. I can't wait to get working on these one acts. i can't wait to get home. I can't wait to hold my beautiful girlfriend in my arms and tell her I love her without a phone in my hands. I want to get good grades. i want to be a supportive friend. I want to do well at my work. I want to get into better shape. I want to eat better. I want to drink less. I want to smoke less. I want to live my dreams. In short....I want to take over the fucking world....wanna help?