I get cancer I kill Jack. Yeah okay so a couple days of sun soaking, some river. Some sun-burn, a little bit of food bourne illness. A splash of shopping. Some drinking and dancing. A little bit of casual confusion. Some extremelly comfortable tandem sleeping followed by some extreme lip-biting. One day of totally crashing out around the house. Board games night at R+K's and waking up this morning still alive.
Fucking great.
Life is good.
So today has been fantastic. I got up at 6. worked from 7-11. came home did the dishes, cleaned my room and did some laundry. Then Tasha and I went to bible camp. Hell yeah. We were the heathens representing. We got to watch a baptism and so swimming and do a rope swing and eat burgers and cake. And have people wonder whether or not I'm "just" Tasha's friend. It was cool. Got to meet Tasha's dad and sister as well. Apparently I was described as "Freakishly Normal" (compared to Chris I guess). All the hardcore christ lovin' was a big childhood flashback for me. If case any of you don't know, my parents were both ministers while I was growing up. Yeah so I just kinda followed Tash around and we talked and what not. All in all I had a really good time. Oh and I have no idea what my fav song of all time is apparently.
Am I wasting my time persuing things with you? Because if you don't really give a shit about me then just say so. What happened last night was so wrong in so many ways. You left me hanging in the breeze and if there's one thing I don't like it's being manipulated and made to look like a fool. If you really want to see what could happen then you should spend some time getting to know me. Because if you knew me you wouldn't have led me on a wild goose chase at the expense of my better judgement.
Click On it For Larger Version...
Mystery Man? These Things Just cannot stand the hottness of my butt...
In the grand scheme of things my heart was never in Nanaimo. I always lived with the assumption that, no matter what, Victoria would always feel like home. I was wrong. I went back to Victoria last Monday and saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in five years and went and saw my old houses and neighbourhoods. I realized that they weren't mine anymore. So here's the story frame-by-frame.
Monday June 5th 10:30 AM:
I board the greyhound south which I used to ride every second weekend when I would visit my mom throughout grades 11 and 12. I was excited to see some old friends and extremelly stoked to see the Bright Eyes show at the Royal Theatre. Driving through the outskirts of Victoria I took in the sights and locations from my childhood with vigour and excitement. I had finally come back where I belonged.
1:15 PM
Arrive in downtown Victoria; drinking in all the familiar sights and buildings. So excited for what's to come. My old best friend d'Arcy's dad picks me up and we go pick up my ticket and then run around doing some errands while d'Arcy is still at work. So we run around doing errands and whatnot and then decide to hit the Arby's in Mayfair mall where I randomly run into Leila who I apparently never told I was moving oops. That was five years ago. She basically assaults me as soon as she sees me which was nice :). We go pick up one of Dan's (d'Arcy's dad) prizes that he won on a radio call in show. I can't believe he's still as into those contests as he always was. We head out to Prospect Lake where d'Arcy's working on cleaning the moss off of a roof for his dad's company. I meet his buddies who also work for Dan's company. We head back to d'Arcy's place to wait out them finishing the house. Have a beer watch some Cold Mountain then head back to pick up d'Arcy. We all grab some booze head back to the pad and I have one beer and one barbequed burger before I gotta catch the bus downtown to the show.
7:00 PM
So I get downtown and I run into Chris Thompson and his gf standing out front of the Royal Theatre. I say hey and go look for a merch table of which there is none. Well I wait around and the opening band starts and turns out to be just one dude with a sampler making loops as he goes and building songs from them it was so cool. On one of the songs he was making a bunch of bird noises as a soundscape and he asked the audience if anyone could do a moose impression and he turned the mic to the audience and some dude yelled "MOOOOOOSSSEEEEEE!!!" and so for the rest of the song periodically there would be this big Moose call and a loop of everybody laughing afterward. Finally at the end of the song the dude sang MOOOOSSEEEEE into the mic and everybody cheered it was fucking great. So then Bright Eyes comes out and plays an amazing set. He played so many of my favs "Lover I Don't Have To Love", "Ship In A Bottle", "Take It Easy (Love Nothing)" I was so impessed with how they managed to replicate the music from Digital Ash In A Digital Urn with only a six piece band. The slide guitar player Mike Mogis was absolutely phenominal he also played lead guitar and Bass. I get out of the show head back to the bus stop and while I'm waiting for the Bus who walks by but MEGHAN!! I was like what are you doing here. Apparently she had been at the show too with her brother that's so cool. I hop off the bus a stop early and take a walk past the house I used to live in and I get this weird feeling looking at it and realizing how long it had been since I had lived there. I wander back to d'Arcy's and the whole walk feels like an odd case of deja vu. I look into a car window at my reflection and realize just how much I've changed since I moved away. This was no longer my neighbourhood. The playground of my youth had turned into a strange place. So I get to d'Arcy's and he's not there so Dan offers to drive me to Kevin's place who's another guy I went to school with. We see d'Arcy walking along the road and he says he's been at Maude Hunter's Pub and he was heading home. I tell him to get his ass back to the pub and have a beer with me. So we head in, and a beer turns out to be splitting two pitchers, I grab a Burger and fries. We walk home and crash out for the night.
8:30 AM Tuesday June 6th
In the morning d'Arcy leaves for work and I talk to Leila on MSN and she agrees to come over and pick me up so we head down to Cadboro Bay which is the beach I used to hang out at since I was like 10 years old. We walk along the ocean just talking about stuff that's happened to both of us in the past five years and where we're going in life. She's had a real rough time of it since I've been gone. Her dad committed suicide and she got involved with drug dealers and such. So we talk about stuff. I can't stop talking about Trish and how proud I am of all the stuff she's doing now. Leila asks me why were not still together if I care about her so much and I tell her the whole story and how much of an idiot I was and she tells me she's surprised I'd had two long term relationships over the five years considering I was always single in Vic and never commited to anything or anyone including her before I left. We grab some ice cream and sit down on the grass and talk some more. I think we were both so glad to see each other and so wierded out by it that things were kinda strange for a bit but it was still cool. She drives me downtown where I hit the Mountain Equipment Co-Op and buy a shirt some shades and a nalgene bottle. I head to Market Square where I hit Bead World and pick up some hemp and beads and a book on braiding hemp. I head to Sport Chek to see if my old buddy Nick is working.... he's not. I find out that my buddy Neil moved to Australia and my buddy Brian is now working construction after getting over a Cocaine habit. I eat lunch on the rooftop at The Sticky Wicket and almost buy a Wales National Team rugby jersey but it was really expensive so I declined. I grab the 4:45 greyhound home meet some charcters along the way and arrive home with some pretty great memories.
and upon getting home go on eBay and buy a Wales Rugby hat for $12.
SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR LIFE
So heres how it works:
Open your choice of music player [iTunes, Limewire, Kazaa, ect.] and put it on shuffle. Press play. For every question type the song thats on. And when you go to a new question press the next button. No cheating. Ready?GO!
Opening credit: The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
Waking up: Tomorrow - Ryan Adams
Average day: All Night Long - Joe Walsh
First Date: Same - Snow Patrol
Falling in love: Lover's Spit - Broken Social Scene
Fight scene: Out Of My Mind - John Mayer Trio
Breaking up: Bliss - Muse
Getting back together: Duet - Sigur Ros
Secret love: Brown Sugar - Ryan Adams (Rolling Stones Cover)
Life's okay: To Be Young (is to be sad, is to be high) - Ryan Adams
Mental breakdown: Stab - Built To Spill
Driving: I Can't Remember - Mogwai
Learning a lesson: July, July - The Decemberists
Deep thought: Nothing Gets Crossed Out - Bright Eyes (so perfect)
Flashback: Hard Way To Fall - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
Partying: Ten Gallon Ascots - Tapes 'n Tapes
Happy dance: Battlestar Scralatchtica - Incubus
Regretting: Buddy Holly (Acoustic) - Weezer
Long night alone: Reasons To Lie - Whiskytown
Death scene: Old Soul Song (For The New World Order) - Bright Eyes
Two Names You Go By:
1. Jordan
2. Jo
Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Welsh
2. Scottish
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. JNCO shirt
2. Tom & Jerry Boxers
Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. spontanaiety/adventure
2. mutual understanding
Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Playing Guitar
2. Listening To Music
Two Things You Want Really Badly At The Moment:
1. Love
2. Food
Two pets you had/have:
1. Tuxedo, Cat
2. Shasta, Cat
Two people who will fill this out:
1. Person ?
2. Me haha
Two things you did last night:
1. Played DnD
2. Slept
Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Pubs
2. Pirate Chips
Two People that live in your house:
1. Matt
2. Jay
Two things you ate today:
1. Cran-Raspberry Muffin
2. 3 meat Samosas
Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Matt
2. Mike
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Work
2. watching x-men
Two things you should be doin right now:
1. having a shower
2. I dunno making dinner?
how awesome the new tool album is? Because it's so damn good. And you can spend the entire CD tripping out with the cool 3D artwork in the packaging. Very Cool. Yeah I gotta say much better than the new Pearl Jam even though that album is really good. And I finally bought Walk The Line today cuz I found the special edition again. Umm yeah got a new battery put in my watch that's been dead for like a year. That's cool. It's a nice watch i'm glad I can wear it again. I think I'm gonna go to Improv tonight. Let's see if that gets awkward at all. If it does I'll just keep not going after tonight. Why does one stupid decision have such far reaching consequences in so many areas of my life. This thing will not die. It's like cancer. Even if you rip it out there's still some left deep down rotting you from the inside.
This is not meant to be taken as anything but some mild introspection. I'm learning to take a step back and look at my actions from the outside and how they affect those around me. I'm doing my best. I hope you guys have started to notice at least a little difference when hanging around me. I think I finally realize what kind of people I want to surround myself with and unfortunately for some this will mean that I will be civil and friendly but not intimate. I need to be able to trust those who are closest to me so therefore I believe your friends should have earned your respect to the point where you can trust them above all. I'm tired of being a destructive influence on myself and I finally realized at Alleah's party that who I want to be is not the guy I have been. Thank you to those of you who didn't question my moments of solemnity at the party but accepted and talked with me you have taken giant steps up in my respect. If you're at a party going around and giving people a hard time because they appear to not to be having as good a time as you think you are having I think you are missing something. My entertainment and enjoyment is not your resposibility. I get more annoyed when I'm out just kinda hanging out but not being wild and crazy and people rag on me for my personality. I'm not a raging partier. I'm more of a quiet, contemplative observer whether drunk or sober and I hope people can accept that. The other night at the 70 below I was basically attacked for my drink choices and the fact that I wasn't being loopy and drunk. I got this comment "What are you like 70 years old?". Why does "enjoying our youth" have to mean getting blasted and acting like complete morons? I've been there and done that and it never gained me any sort of real emotional connection with those around me. I guess what I'm really looking for is a real love. A love that will feel so natural that I can just relax and silently bask in it while giving equally back. I'm tired of games. Games don't get anybody anywhere, just back here where I've been for way too long. I guess I didn't need another kind of green.
"It's not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball."
~Damien Rice
100+ mpg
70 km/h top speed
Insurance: $20-$40 per month
Gas: Full Tank = $3.50
and this little ditty from barbs Blog:
Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.
How many songs? 1041
Sort by artist
First artist: 54-40
Last artist: Yo La Tengo
Sort by song title
First Song: (Nice Dream) - Radiohead
Last Song: Zoot Suit Riot – Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Sort by time
Shortest Song:
Two Way Tie at 1:02 = Sunshine and Clouds and Everything Proud – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah / Our Spring Is Sweet Not Fleeting – Of Montreal
Longest Song: Fear Satan – Mogwai 16:17
Sort by album
First Album: A Crow Left Of The Murder - Incubus
Last Album: You Forgot it In People – Broken Social Scene
How many songs come up when you search for "sex" - 3
How many songs come up when you search for "death"? - 14 (Come on I have a Death Cab Album on here)
How many songs come up when you search for "love"? - 80
How fuckin' nice is the weather right now? This is kick ass. I'm heading down to Barsby in a bit to check out whatever play they're putting on right now. Just sitting here listening to tunes and vegging out. No new news to share so I'll cut this short.
Yah, so I'm going to see Bright Eyes in Victoria on June the fifth and I'm sooo excited. Bright Eyes will kick so much ass!!
AMMENDMENT:
Turns out Dashboard Confessional is playing JULY 9th not June so I'll be able to go if I can find someone to come with me and split a room/hang with me for two days. Tasha I'm looking in your direction.... :P
So I feel bad that I said I'd come to Tasha's b-day party and then realized with where she lived and my lack of a vehicle there would be no way I could make it back downtown for work this morning at 7 am. Sorry Tasha. I would have loved to have come if circumstances were different.
Today....YES!! This was an awesome day. Today I planted a tree. Today I bought a printer/scanner/copier and printed out my tatoo design. On the way to buy the printer we were driving up commercial street and we were stopped at a red light. Matt was checking out some girls on the left side of the road and I said "Screw that!! Check out those two girls with the ladder on the other side...damn!!" And it turns out to be .....duh...duh...duh.... Meghan and Lisa. HAHAHA!! So anyway. I get back home, set up my printer and all, and then decide to take a walk downtown, catch some sun, and say hi to Meghan and Lisa who are working on Kidz Fest. So I head down there, say "Hi". Feel awkward, and leave. Yah. So I walk to Maffeo Sutton Park and run into my buddy Steve who works at Music Maxx, and is one hell of a guitar player and sound guy. So we head to Steve's new place which is like two blocks away from mine and pick up his acoustic, head to my place, pick up mine, leave the cases behind and jam out on our way down to the waterfront again. We chill on a picnic table for like three hours just jammin' on tunes we know and having a ball. Good Times. Head back up to his place and on the way two really good looking girls are sitting on the patio of the Timmy Ho's and they Yell across the street at us "Come serenade us!!" Now I was all up for it but Steve was being all whiny cuz he was hungry so we never crossed the street to wow them with our madd skillz yo. Anyway, get back to Steve's, play some more guitar, and discuss the demise of both of our relationships. We both slept with other girls while on a break. hmmm. We eat some rediculously spicy Tacos, have some fries, and some Appleton's and Coke. Then chill and do some tech work on his Bass players axe which is sounding all fucked up. We change the intonation and it gets slightly better, at least enough so it won't sound like ass tomorrow night at the Queens. I get kinda tired so I head home and here I am. All-in-all a pretty awesome day. Thanks for prettying it up Lisa and Meghan. Love you guys hope you had fun with the rest of your gig.
Later Y'all,
Love yah......
Jordan
I'm sooo happy. Me, Ky, and Megs all got Res Tech Positions at Mal for next year which means I'll finally have a key!! Woohoo!! My first training gig is one June 2nd. Leon offered me a gig with Anthony for Willy Wonka for 3 days but I'm working so it looks like Ky will get that. Oh well should be cool for him. I really can't wait to get back to school next year it's gonna be awesome. I miss everybody already. It's so weird spending so much of your time with people and then suddenly having all this freedom. I miss the Theatre. Oh well I'm having a kick ass time hiking, and climbing at the romper room, and just other random summer style adventures.
Later Y'all,
Jo
1. I respect you more than anyone but only recently have I been able to crack the shell of your self-defensive attitude. You are the kind of person I could see being long-term friends with.
2. Your maturity level is not what you think it is. You have a lot of growing up to do.
3. I have no respect for what you did, and you should be overwhelmingly relieved you somehow got away with it. You have an ego that doesn't match your abilities. Learn some modesty and you might just achieve something.
4. You are genuine and kind-hearted, everyone likes you, and you deserve it. I just wish you'd be more serious about plans you make with people. If you keep not showing up it could jeporadize our friendship.
5. You are too nice for your own good. Everyone needs intimacy, I think you need to let people in past the facade. I'd give anything to know what you're really like deep down.
6. You are in a hurry to get your life going and you're missing the scenery along the way. Slow down and enjoy your youth while you have it. Make some mistakes you'll be better for it.
7. You need to cheer up and realize that you have friends who love and support you. There is more to life than what you have been dwelling on. I think when you change your focus what you've been striving for will come to you.
8. Stop sending me Christian propaganda. I made my choice years ago and the “christian message” is not what I need in my life. I miss you and I hope you're well, I love you.
9. What kind of monster did you turn into, we used to be so close and then you became completely egotistical and threw it all away. We used to have such a good time, where did the fun-lover go?
10. You are so enthusiastic about your own realizations about the world and adopting concepts that others have come up with you are starting to lose your own identity. Step back from the gimmicks and take your insights as just that. Your moments of clarity need not be broadcasted to raise your own esteem.
11. You need to stop being his defender he is old enough to do that himself now. You have to recognize the weaknesses in your friends in order to better understand their strengths.
12. I wonder where you are, you obviously couldn't care less.
13. You need to stop apologizing for everything you do and get some therapy for your completely depressed self-depricating attitude, it's not that we don't like you we just get depressed whenever your around.
14. You need to get off your ass and get out of the house and stop living in regrets. Be less selfish and lower your ego you might have more friends and less aquaintances. You need to pursue your goals rather than stating them and seeing the path and never taking the first steps towards them. You are strong (and you know it) but maybe it's time to show a little weakness and humility.
15. You need to grow up...fast. Stop relying on others and stand on your own two feet.
