Times Square Can't Shine As Bright As You

I've decided to dub the next few weeks as "riding it out." That's what this feels like. I'm just tying up all the loose ends I can before I leave, trying to see as many people as I can. I'm going to be the ASM for Miss Saigon which is totally cool. I also get to be ATD for the show as well. Cody has me pretty crazily booked right up until Christmas so I don't have to worry about lack of work. I'm still trying to absorb that this is really happening. I expected to have to starve my way through a few years before I could devote myself full-time to technical work. This is just so amazing, I can't stop smiling knowing that the end of the tough times might just be at an end. I can finally start my real life, get myself set up comfortably. I'm going to invest a good portion of my money because I really want to be able to live comfortably. My plan is to buy a condo by the time I'm thirty. Preferably a loft, because I love open floor plans. Here we go....ridin' it out.

100th Post

And all they showed you was the back of their eyes,
all that they told you were beautiful lies.

I've figured out a lot about people. People over use the word "friend". Somebody said to me that I'd be leaving behind my friends when I go. But I've realized that there are friends, and there are the people I've been spending obligatory time with on a school based level. I'm sorry but I consider very few of you my friends. I've come to the conclusion that the majority of people are only concerned with one thing and that's self-gratification. There are about three people who actually give a shit about me on a level that is beyond themselves feeling good about saying it. It's easy to say "I've got your back" but a lot of that is just posturing. 95 percent of people would leave me out to dry if it benefited them in some way. Some of those I thought were closest to me already have. When you betray someone who is supposedly your friend there is absolutely no room for you in the friends category anymore. I know I have support but those people know who they are already. I know that if all else fails they would do whatever it took to make sure I was OK and that I would return the favour. I'm tired of lip service friendships. I'm tired of illusionary connections with people. I wish people would be straight up and show the truth that they would step right over me if they saw a benefit to their own state of mind. I'm fine with that. Just don't go making yourself feel better with untrue statements about how you really care how I feel. The truth is you would do it again because you see things you want and be damned who gets hurt in the process. My advice is to stop pretending that there are no feelings being hurt by the way we've been living our lives. Stop burying all emotion under the pretense of some specific system of understanding. People are being hurt and then they feel bad because the system we've developed doesn't allow for that. You'll hear phrases like "get over it" or "being all emo" or even "taking it too hard". Well so what if somebody is actually emotionally invested in something and then they get hurt. Isn't that allowed? Aren't people allowed to feel things? Wow.

They built you up with their shining words,
but they broke you down with their actions.

Preparation For Flight

So I've decided to move to Kelowna and take a job working on call for the Kelowna Community Theatre and Rotary Center. I am also considering taking over the job of TD for the BC Summer Games if the current one goes through with giving it up. Robin says he'll help show me the ropes and get me started which is awesome. Nanaimo is just simply not where I want to be anymore. I'm living at home again and my car is smashed and I don't see any hope for a love life right now. So all I really have is my work. I think a move would re-energize me and give me a fresh outlook on life. I've grown tired of this place and I feel trapped. I need to break away from this space I've been living in. There is nothing to keep me here anymore. So I think I'll leave.