Dear Beer

Up until now we've had a fairly good natured relationship, but I think we might have to limit the amount of time we see each other. I just don't think I'm ready for this kind of commitment. Perhaps we should limit contact to weekend evenings from now on? If I keep hanging out with you on such a consistent basis I will lose the ability to focus on the important things I should be doing. Unfortunately you accompany so many of my favourite things it will be hard to give you up. Chicken wings will go solo, Kareoke will be much more nerve wracking, and kissing girls at parties much more difficult. So I guess what I'm saying is when I wanna hang lets hang, but when your not necessarily crucial to the situation please for the both of us fuck off.

Sincerely,

Joe Guitar

Dear Woodgrove Mall,

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Everytime I visit you I find absolutely nothing I like or would purchase, ever. Yet, somehow, you keep drawing me back with the false promise of items I may not have discovered the last time I visited you. Your stores cater to 15 year old trend followers who can't think for themselves which is ironic because that's exactly who you've hired to work at said stores. So until some foolish time in which I forget how much I can't stand you or get dragged into you by a girl or friend or combination of those two words. Goodbye forever, until next time.

Sincerely,

Joe Guitar