100th Post
And all they showed you was the back of their eyes,
all that they told you were beautiful lies.
I've figured out a lot about people. People over use the word "friend". Somebody said to me that I'd be leaving behind my friends when I go. But I've realized that there are friends, and there are the people I've been spending obligatory time with on a school based level. I'm sorry but I consider very few of you my friends. I've come to the conclusion that the majority of people are only concerned with one thing and that's self-gratification. There are about three people who actually give a shit about me on a level that is beyond themselves feeling good about saying it. It's easy to say "I've got your back" but a lot of that is just posturing. 95 percent of people would leave me out to dry if it benefited them in some way. Some of those I thought were closest to me already have. When you betray someone who is supposedly your friend there is absolutely no room for you in the friends category anymore. I know I have support but those people know who they are already. I know that if all else fails they would do whatever it took to make sure I was OK and that I would return the favour. I'm tired of lip service friendships. I'm tired of illusionary connections with people. I wish people would be straight up and show the truth that they would step right over me if they saw a benefit to their own state of mind. I'm fine with that. Just don't go making yourself feel better with untrue statements about how you really care how I feel. The truth is you would do it again because you see things you want and be damned who gets hurt in the process. My advice is to stop pretending that there are no feelings being hurt by the way we've been living our lives. Stop burying all emotion under the pretense of some specific system of understanding. People are being hurt and then they feel bad because the system we've developed doesn't allow for that. You'll hear phrases like "get over it" or "being all emo" or even "taking it too hard". Well so what if somebody is actually emotionally invested in something and then they get hurt. Isn't that allowed? Aren't people allowed to feel things? Wow.
They built you up with their shining words,
but they broke you down with their actions.
9 comments:
I'll miss seeing you around every month or so when you leave.
If you're having a going away gathering, I'd like to be invited, if you wouldn't mind having me there
Well said bro! I can't wait to party it up one last time, before you jet!
I probably never would have said we were friends, But I still would have been there for you if you ever needed help with anything. *shrug* thats just me though
i know im not one of those few but i concider you a friend...you've always been awesome to me...you know what you want and you work hard to get that...and i respect that and i learned SOO much from you this year...
I'm realyl glad you are getting out of here...you deserve it.
and the friends you are leaving behind are not going anywhere...anyone who is a friend knows this is something that doesnt come along everyday and they would be happy for you...
yikes another M rant! :P
I think there are different levels of friends. There are your best friends, the ones you couldn't live without, your close friends, the ones who you are really close to and spend time with on a regular basis, the regular friends who you don't spend all your time with, but have fun with when you do hang out, and the aquaintances, who you usually only hang out with in a work or school environment.
I know you've been burned, but I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone who isn't one of your closest friends is willing to backstab you at any givin moment. I accept that you wouldn't really consider me a friend, because we don't spend much time together outside of school, but if you asked me for your help, even if it was just a hug, I would be there for you, even though we're pretty much just aquaintances.
I think you're right in thinking that there are some people who aren't really trust worthy and are only friendly for their own personal gain, but there are also lots of us who are generally friendly people. Unfortunately, a lot of the time when somthing bad happens, you may hear comments like "emo" and such, but I mostly think it's because the people who don't know you as well don't really know what you're feeling, and people usually don't open up to their aquantances, so they only see the sulky, sad you. I've been through it, as Im sure most of us have.
So anyway, my point in this long jumble of words is, I don't think it's fair to generalize all your non-closest friends as uncaring and backstabbing. Because there are a lot of us who aren't like that.
Well, Kaitlyn just saved me some time typing, haha. I've gotta say though that I felt pushed away by you this semester, intentional or not. I felt like I was only ever going to be your "back up" girl and as soon as I started dating Gregoire, there was an immediate shift in our friendship. I've come to terms with it and I wish you the best.
ditto what kaitlyn said. i wouldn't consider us friends, but i don't backstab as a rule. i do know what it feels like to have put trust in people you thought were your best, closest friends and then have them hurt you out of the blue. it's the worst. other than maybe freezer-burn.
While I hear what you're saying, and can admit that I've been through what you're experiencing, age and distance have allowed me to see my part in the happenings. Yes, there are friends (who will eventually become family), people that you're friendly with, acquantances and people you just know to say "hi" to - your role is to jumble through and figure out which is which - and who you WANT to spend time with. It'll get better - and always remember that what you're feeling matters.
You are an awesome technician and I couldn't be happier that you have landed the opportunity to work in the field. You deserve it. Sounds like it is a bit of a rough parting in some areas and I am sorry for that, but I cannot wait to see you take this business by storm.
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